Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts
Showing posts with label stress. Show all posts

Tuesday, December 22, 2020

I need to write more (12/22/2020)


Usually and the end of the year, or sometimes at the beginning of the new year I take stock of what happened during the year that has just gone by. Well’ I am not sure if this is my definitive blog for 2020, but I somehow feel like writing and excusing myself for not writing as much as a should, have been in the past, etc.

I am finding that it is more difficult to be creative after having to be creative for my job day-in, day-out and having to create on-line classes that keep people’s interest. In addition, being stuck at home and looking from my perch is somewhat boring and I do not get the inspiration that I usually get from traveling, listening to the radio and meeting people. Do I have the COVID blues? I do not know, but look at the graph below and you can see what funk I am in in my blogging (the 17 includes today’s blog). 


Previously, I wrote about inspiration in which I debunked this idea of not being inspired or not having a creative mind (somehow, the illustration was lost). Therefore, I cannot blame it on that. Am I depressed? Not really, in the sense of the word. Maybe slightly depressed, but I think we all are in a bit of a funk having that Sword of Damocles (the sword of COVID) hanging above our head on that tenuous string. When will I get it or a loved one, like my almost 94-year-old father-in-law get it? And how will I or they react to getting it? Yes, I can finally say that people in my direct orbit have gotten COVID. One survived; she reported that when her husband brought home her favorite ice-cream, it just tasted wet and cold. Esther, the 90 year-old (ex?) girlfriend of my father-in-law who has Alzheimer is currently in the hospital with COVID. We fear the worst. But by now, we are all waiting until it is our turn to get the vaccine, at least when you are not an anti-vaxxer.

What is my daily routine like? I usually wake up around 6:20. After getting dressed, I put on the coffee and get the newspaper with the dogs. They get their morning snack when we come back in, and we read the paper. Then it is breakfast and a dog walk, followed by “hi ho, hi ho, it’s off to the office we go” and that is just one flight of stairs away. Coffee around 10:30 and lunch at 12. We walk the dogs again, and I may spend a few minutes out back with my trees (bonsais). Back to work, which is interrupted by coffee around 3. I usually quit around 4:30 and take a shower. The shower is a great ritual for me to end the work day. Then it is time to make dinner and settle down for the evening. Boring isn’t it? Thank goodness, I still enjoy cooking, and at least once a week, the monotony is broken up by the need to bake bread. Baking bread requires more frequent trips down the stairs to fold the dough and to do something to it (“hey Google, set the timer for a half hour”).

COVID weekends are not any more exciting. One of the days is a dog park visit (Waller Mill in Williamsburg) and a walk in the woods (one of three trails). If the weather is good, we may stop for a brief visit for a beer at one of the microbreweries (usually the Brass Cannon, we sit outside of course). The other day is spent around the home. It is all very inspirational and I am sure, something many of you also spend your COVID year. Listening to my colleagues during our staff meetings that is about right.

So how should I get my writing mojo back and again write at least 30 posts per year? Maybe for next year I just need to take a word out of the dictionary and write a blog post around it. Just what comes to mind, but that would be crazy, wouldn’t it? At least now, I still have room to write my review of 2020.

Wednesday, January 9, 2019

2019 Here I come (1/9/2019)

It has been somewhat of a New Year's tradition of me to look back at the previous year, and even prognosticate a bit of what the new year may bring. I was not sure if I wanted to do that this year, but I got so many hits on last year's review in the recent days, that I almost felt I needed to do it again.  It seems that my readers are wondering what my thoughts are.

Breaking a little with the tradition, I want to tell you about the famous resolutions that people make at the beginning of the year. Well, I don't believe in them. Having been member of the YMCA in Cincinnati and now an active yoga practitioner at our community center, you see them come right after New Years, and after a month you are there again with the same crew for the remaining eleven months of the year. There may be a slight uptick in May or June, just before beach or pool season, but that's it.

My New Year's resolutions?

  1. Not to die this year!
  2. To be more active in preserving the environment.
These are my two major goals. That simple!
Goal number one needs little explanation. I hope it is something we all want. I have blogged about death and suicide before and I am not going there this time. I need to live to be able to work on and achieve goal number two! Naturally, I may stray so now and then, so be it!

Maple tree
Like this triple-trunked red maple in the woods behind my home I want to reach for the sky this year and work on fighting for the environment.  Teach folks more about it, talk more about it, before it is too late, and that time is rapidly coming.  This past year there has been an all-out assault on the environment by our political administration, supported by the far right, and industry.  In wetland science, we use this triple trunk is an indicator that the area it is growing in, is most likely a wetland.  Here, I am using it as an indicator that there is something very wrong with our environment.
So how about goal number two? In my eyes, the environment is under siege! As I also mentioned before, I absolutely do not understand those folks who used to scream about the federal budget and our children’s future but then are completely silent or sometimes blatant hostility when it comes to discussions about the environment and those same children. Although in today’s political climate those same folks are awkwardly silent when it comes to the budget and their offspring.

As a provider of environmental workshops I do my best to provide as much basic theoretical information as possible to my students; however, my reach is limited. In addition, with this blog I get between 200 and 400 hits per month. Not bad, but I wonder how many actually read them versus just browse it. I purposely do not advertise. Maybe I should; I wonder if the Googles of this world would send more folks my way, if I did? In addition, I would make a few cents. But for right now I’ll keep writing and trying to educate as many as possible (you all) about the beauty of nature and the importance of preserving and protecting nature. To me telling my readers a little bit about the science behind some of these things I see in nature is so important. I really think that this understanding helps people see the beauty, cultivates the love the love of nature and helps with the motivation to preserve nature.

So what am I going to do about preserving the environment? I hope to intensify my blogging effort about the environment. I will try not to be too political, but I will let the chips fall where they may. Regretfully, it seems that one political party seems to be more cavalier about protecting the environment than the other; I will keep calling them out. So be it! My wife encouraged me to volunteer a newspaper column on the environment. I am not sure if that would conflict with my job, and I am sure I could not make a living writing for the newspaper and from this blog, although that would be the ideal world. An occasional letter to the editor may work.

However, one thing is for sure we all need to roll up our sleeves and do something about our deteriorating environment before it's too late. Reports abound that tell us that our kids and grand-kids will suffer the consequences if we do not it serious and start taking drastic steps to protect the environment within the next few years. I want to be part of protecting this earth for them. It's the only one we they have!

Sunrise in the forest
I took this photograph this morning while walking in the woods.  I am lucky, my job allows me to telecommute.  This saves gasoline and saves the environment.  It is also good for my mental health.  The sun had just come up in the woods and I was ready to get to work.  Walks in the woods do a number of things for me: they help me focus on the day's task ahead; they help me think through things I am currently working on (like the course I am developing); the calm me inside and lower my blood pressure; and it is great exercise.  The rising sun against the trunks of the trees symbolize to me the intentions expressed in this post, my New Year's Resolutions.  Bring them on!


Thursday, December 13, 2018

Is age really just a number? (12/13/2018)

I have been feeling my mortality lately. Not that I am sick or have been diagnosed with anything, but just because I am getting older. But then aren’t we all getting older? Every day we are getting a day older; a day closer to death. The newspaper obituaries are replete with folks younger than me. I brush them aside as accidents, suicides and unhealthy people. Having turned the magical six five or better 65 earlier this year, it feels different. We really downplayed the event, no big parties; my wife or family did not even throw me a surprise birthday party. The day passed like any other day; I even went to work on my birthday. However, eventually, the Friday evening after my birthday, my father-in-law treated me to a fancy dinner to our favorite restaurant where we had a great dinner for three. The day after my birthday I was 65 and 1 day; I did not even have a hangover. One of the problems always is that my birthday falls on or around Father’s Day weekend. It is more a family weekend, not conducive to big parties, I guess.

Oh well, enough belly aching. Why now? Coming out of a day-long workshop I gave this week I had a car crash. Yes, it was my fault; I pulled away from a stop sign (after a full stop), obviously did not see the car coming from the left (there was a snow bank that was obscuring my view and the lady that hit me was obviously speeding); however, I do not think that ten years ago when I started this gig I was this exhausted after a full day of teaching. I solo teach, and standing on my legs for six hours, being on all the time, thinking, talking and answering questions is a lot of work. It takes a lot out of me. I have noticed that I am more tired the older I get and that my recovery time is getting longer. I am often still tired the day after teaching a full day or often two days in a row. Also knowing that my parents did not make it much past their mid 70-s, makes you wonder if your days are numbered and what the hell you are doing still working and putting yourself out there on the road, after a full day of teaching, increasingly in danger of getting hurt in an accident.

A google search tells me the following about the age at which we humans peak at certain things:

  • The ability to learn a second language: 7 to 8 
  • Sexually: Men 17, Women 35 
  • Brain processing: 18 
  • Remembering names: 22 
  • Life satisfaction: 23 and again at 69 
  • Strength: 25 
  • Metabolism and heart rate: Early adulthood 
  • Fastest marathon: 28 
  • Bone and bone structure: 30 to 35 
  • Remembering faces: 32 
  • Focus: 43 
  • Arithmetic skills: 50 
  • Understanding people’s emotions: 51 
  • Vocabulary skills: 71 
  • Happiness with your body: 74 
  • Psychological wellbeing: 82 

Looking at the list, my ability to focus has been going down since I was 43; and let’s not talk about my sex life (peaked at 17? I wish I realized that back then and capitalized on it). Moreover, based on my genetics, I may never reach nirvana or psychological wellbeing. Although, maybe finally I’ll be happy with my body before I die. So be it! But age is only a number, and as you see, these are only numbers. 
This is what makes me happy: Forest bathing.  Being out in the woods, exploring, visiting some of my favorite trees.  This is where I find solace with life, with my age and the world.
My mortality was brought even more to the foreground by the accident. It all happened in a flash, I never saw the car coming, I did not even saw it when it hit me, maybe just a flash. Yes, she obviously drove very fast. But still, I get the blame and I will keep wondering if my age contributed to it; am I loosing my ability to focus? Maybe. The statistics tell me I am, but then I learned you can also lie with statistics (what was that about something peaking at 17?). 

I often wish there was a way to slow down the aging process. There are so many things I want to experience, explore and to see or do in this world. Many have tried to slow aging down, no one has succeeded. This blog post has no solutions, I am sorry. Accept aging gracefully? I’ve always thought: “Hell no!” Some folks say calorie deprivation will allow you to live to the biological predestined age of humans which is around 120. They even claim that living this way of eating very few calories and starving yourself can be fun and enjoyable. I am not sure what planet they come from, but torture is not my way of having fun. Others say slightly overweight is good. Now I like that!

On the other hand, the problem is that my skeleton is slowly starting to refuse to cooperate; my knees hurt, my back is stiff, I get tired quicker and my recovery time is longer. They call it the regular wear and tear on the body. I feel like I am becoming that middle-aged lump of coal on the couch. This is also torture and I know that my weight and lack of exercise will only make this worse in the long run. Folks around me have (early) Alzheimer or other forms of dementia. They are older than me, but I realize I have less of a focus, sometimes more difficulty remembering names. That makes me wonder and it bothers me too. 


I use this picture in my classes as an example that old guys can be strong, or old ideas can still be valid.
Sorry for bitching about my age young readers of mine. Hopefully you too will hit it one of these days. It will creep up and all the sudden it will hit you right smack in the face, as with me. You are getting old! Then you will try the excuse “age is just a number” while your colleagues at work announce: “you are older than my father” (or my mother/parents)!

Wednesday, July 18, 2018

My sermon: Between every two pines is a doorway to a new world (7/18/2018)

It has been a while since I posted something in my blog. For my regular readers, I gave a sermon at the church I attend regularly the Unitarian Universalist Fellowship of the Peninsula in Newport News or UUFP. That took a bit of my time. For some of my friends there and friends in Holland, I promised I would post my sermon on my blog. I will start out with the sermon, followed by the quote from E.O. Wilson’s book “Biodiversity” that I read as a preamble, and the closing words. Regular readers will recognize a common thread in my sermon; for new comers I have an extensive list of labels where you can hunt for more.  It is not great literature but a way for me to express myself.  But without further ado, here it is:


Sermon:

Hello everyone, most of you know me, I am Jan. I’ve been a member of the UUFP since the year 2000. I am a biologist, a naturalist.

My funny accent might give it away, but as a lot of you know, I am not originally from here. I grew up on the island of Curaçao in the Caribbean. As a child and teenager, I spent a lot of time in what was called the knoekoe (the local name for the bush) on the island, taking it all in; just moseying and looking around. One of my favorite things was looking for ball cacti, pulling out their little pink fruit out off the white pads, and eating them. I would also just fantasize about what I saw, about making trails so people could enjoy and appreciate nature more.

This carried on in my adult life, I first worked in international development, and then afterwards I had a 20-year stint as a field biologist. I loved being out in the field, experiencing nature in its fullest. I still do, you can try to take me out of nature, but I do not think you can take nature out of me; it draws me in like a magnet. Whenever I can I will be out there, find a tree I can hug and even kiss and be one with for a few seconds, feel grounded.

Of course, you can take photographs of nature (as I do) or look in photo books, but as Annie Dillard wrote in her essay “Total Eclipse”: “Lenses enlarge the sight, omit its context, and make of it a pretty and sensible picture, like something on a Christmas card.” Being emerged in nature, living and breathing it, is so important. At least, it is to me, and I hope to convince you that it should also be for all of us. Only outside can you touch and feel the trees and the soil; breath in the smells and fragrance and feast on the views. As you can imagine, I really hated to go back to the office to write reports about my fieldwork, especially since it usually meant that my fieldwork would turn it into some subdivision and destroy some of nature's beauty.

Earlier on as a graduate student there was nothing better to take pre-dawn measurements of plants in the desert of New Mexico and then hearing the coyotes howling around me at sunrise the minute the sun hit the area. It was magical; you knew they probably had been watching you all along and you never noticed them.

Later on, as a wetland scientist working in the woods I could not just do my job. Especially when working alone, I just loved to take time out at a beautiful spot and just sit on a log or lean against a tree and observe nature around me for 10 or so minutes.

Field work was not without its dangers. I will never forget the day I was struck by a water moccasin also known as a cottonmouth in Virginia Beach. The snake shot out of the high grass and hit me in the legs. I let out a very loud high-pitched scream. Thank goodness it did not break skin but just got stuck in my pants. But that night, 12 hours later my heart was still racing. The very next day, I did come eye to eye with a timber rattlesnake in the same area. I noticed a beautiful skeleton of a possum and bent down to look at it when I heard the rattle. The rattler just stood there and warned me to back off, as to say “this is my carcass,” so I slowly backed off, turned around and walk a different way.

Did I kill the moccasin that bit me the previous day? Absolutely not! As our 7th principle mentions, we have RESPECT FOR THE INTERDEPENDENT WEB OF ALL EXISTENCE OF WHICH WE ARE A PART; or in other words, I believe that we all have our place on this little blue marble that floats in space and we need to respect it and take care of it and of each other. The snake defended its territory and I stepped in it. I did not get hurt and I know my heart was good, at the time. On the next day, the rattler just warned me to stay away. Not all snakes are bad, not even moccasins. A number of years ago I ran into two that were mating (and they were not aggressive), they were not at all interested in me.

You have to take precautions, during the times I've spent outside, have been bitten by so many ticks and have gotten rocky mountain spotted fever, one of the tick-borne diseases. And let's not talk about all those mosquitoes.

Did all this deter me from ever going out into the woods or nature again? Absolutely not. This was in 2003, and I still go into the woods for work and I still do it almost daily for pleasure. Am I more careful? Naturally, I am getting older you know. But I just love to explore, bushwhack and take it all in.

I think that I suffer from an extreme form of Nature Deficit Disorder. Nature Deficit Disorder is a term first defined by Richard Louv, it indicates the need of people to reconnect with nature at times to regain balance in their lives. Louv contents that a lot of personal inner problems, social problems and inner-city problems can be brought back to the disconnection from the natural environment.

The way I deal with my Nature Deficit Disorder has always been to go out in nature. I guess in the old days when I grew up on that tropical island you could have called me a loner. Being out in nature was my solace, and actually it still does. You could say that I could be considered an introvert. Later on, I learned by way of some psychological tests that I am truly an introvert among other things. However, as an adult I have forced myself out of my shell when I am in public.

Being an introvert does not mean that you do not like to talk to people or that we are anti-social. Every person needs human interaction and so do introverts. However, we introverts also need a lot of recovery time or me-time. For me it is so comforting to retreat into my own world and in particular in the natural world where I can be alone. That is my way of expressing and dealing with this curse of being an introvert.

So, when I am done teaching or interacting with people, my alone time is best spent outside hiking in the woods, on my sailboat on the water or in my kayak. Doing this alone would be great, but with my loved ones is great too, as long as they do not expect me to talk too much. I often just like to be in my own thoughts. However, when I am sailing I am just concentrating on staying on course and not running aground, but even that clears my mind.

I am not sure if he was an introvert, but the famous John Muir who hiked up and down the Sierra Nevada around the 1900s is credited as the person who initiated the Sierra Club, and was the impetus of the National Park Service wrote “the deeper the solitude the less the sense of loneliness, and the nearer our friends”. Muir also wrote: “In every walk with nature one receives far more than he seeks.” I think he was onto something here.

Earlier this decade Japanese researchers introduced the term Shinrin-yoku loosely translated as forest bathing. No, it has nothing to do with an outdoor shower, although I am still trying to convince my wife that we need one of those too. The Japanese researchers showed that the volatile compounds or phytoncides emitted by the vegetation in a forest, in particular the conifers, lowered the blood pressure and slowed the heart rate of their subjects, and one exposure to these chemicals (or to the woods) could last as long as two weeks.

John Muir also wrote: “Between every two pines is a doorway to a new world.” As our friends from Japan found, of all the trees in nature, pines are the highest emitters of phytoncides, those chemicals that are good for you.

Maybe this is why pines have a rich history in mythology. Of course, we use them in our Christmas celebrations and with good reason. Many cemeteries plant pine trees and other conifers as symbols of eternal life, they stay green throughout the winter. Druids in England lid bonfires in Scotch pine forests during winter solstice celebrations. The Romans worshiped pines during the spring equinox festival of Cybele and Attis, while in ancient Greece worshippers of Dionysus often carried a pine-cone-tipped wand as a fertility symbol. Even in Siberia and Mongolia, people there enter a pine forest in silence and with reverence.

Native American people see the pine tree as a symbol of wisdom and longevity. Its needles and sap are medicine that protects people from illnesses, witchcraft, and more.

In the Orient the pines are also associated with longevity, virtue, youth, masculinity and power. The Japanese word for pine is Matsu which also stands for “waiting for the soul of God to descend from heaven.” In ancient Shinto beliefs, gods were said to have ascended to Heaven on a pine tree, where they now reside on a beautiful volcanic mountain in giant or old trees. Pine trees are associated with the New Year in Japan. So much so that many Japanese hang a bundle of pine twigs and bamboo trunks known as a Kado matsu ("Gate pine") on their doors to receive a blessing from the gods.

This almost reminds us of Muir’s quote: “Between every two pines is a doorway to a new world,” doesn’t it?

While I love that quote, and conifers such as pines rule, I would love to expand Muir’s quote to: “Between every two trees in a forest is a doorway to a new world.” I strongly believe there is power in nature as a whole, and not only in pine trees.

For me, it does not matter how familiar or unfamiliar the woods are, every time I step outside into the woods the worries of the world fall off my shoulders; I can retreat into my own world and relax. Early on in my life, in Holland, Uganda, Nepal, Yemen, and New Mexico I was in my happy place when I was alone just strolling around in nature, looking around and sometimes studying the things I saw around me.

What do I look for when I retreat into the natural world? For one, I grow bonsai trees at home and it is great to study the canopy of mature trees in the forest for examples to style my little trees. In my reading by E.O. Wilson you heard me tell you that he considers that there is more order in a handful of soil than in on the surface of all planets combined.

To me nature is full of order; full of hidden patterns, and that is another thing I am always on the lookout for. It is survival of the fittest, parsimony, and full of those patterns waiting to be discovered and understood. That is what I do in the woods.

Think about it, every spring the leaves come back, the dogwoods and the redbuds flower and we have to deal with pine pollen. Let me tell you, I had the worst allergy season this year. In summer months, nature does its thing, I enjoy watching the adult birds raise their young, watch the skinks (or lizards) in our backyard, and just see everything grow. In fall nature is preparing for winter. In winter, you notice things you hardly see other times in the year, like when looking up in the canopy you see that not many tree canopies touch each other. Also, that there is a rhythm on the way the trees branch and the way side branches come off.

In her book: “The Solace of Open Space” Gretel Ehrlich wrote: “Autumn teaches us that fruition is also death; that ripeness is a form of decay. The willows, having stood for so long near water, begin to rust. Leaves are verbs that conjugate the seasons.” Yes, nature to me is very predictable and it helps me to sort my thoughts. So yes, a new door opens every time I enter nature, I discover something new.

Those snakes, ticks, mosquitoes and other varmints are not going to stop me from going out there. I take precautions, use bug spray, watch out where I step. I need to get out and be one with nature. The tall trees are my cathedral, my spiritual home. That is why all those parallel tree trunks in the forest are so important to me; they are my doorway to a different, a new world. As I said those forests are something we all need, not only for clean air and clean water, but also as a spiritual experience, for our sanity, our health and overall wellbeing. Once I enter the woods I need to become one with it and feel grounded, to touch the bark, feel the tree, like when I was young when I needed to eat those little red fruit in in those cacti. But most of all, I need to get out there and I urge you to go too.

----------------

Reading:

Organisms are all the more remarkable in combination. Pull out the flower from its crannied retreat, shake the soil from the roots into the cupped hand, magnify it for close examination. The black earth is alive with a riot of algae, fungi, nematodes, mites, spring-tails, enchytraeid worms, thousands of species of bacteria. The handful may be only a tiny fragment of one ecosystem, but because of the genetic code of its residents, it holds more order than can be found on the surfaces of all the planets combined. It is a sample of the living force that runs the earth – and will continue to do so with or without us.

Edward O. Wilson
The Diversity of Life

------------------------

Closing (Benediction):

Let us go out now into the sunlight filtered by the pine trees and oak trees. May the subtle fragrances of the woods bathe your body and your lungs. May this all bring you blessings and enhance your enjoyment of life for days to come, until the next time you can return to nature and experience it all over again.

Bless it be.

Monday, June 11, 2018

Depression sucks (6/11/2018)

Kate Spade, Anthony Bourdain, what news stories last week! It really bugs the cap out of me. I have a father who took his own life with a gun. He was depressed and took it out on his loved ones. I was an ocean and a continent removed, but still he did it on the day that I bought a new car to start my new job after two years of under and unemployment. I had called him the day before to tell him this and had no inkling about that he was about to pull the trigger. Did I resent him for that? Yes I did in some form or fashion. Was I hurt? Yes, I think as a family member of or close to someone who commits suicide it hurts, I'll never forget it. In a way I had expected it and had made peace with never seeing him again the last time they visited us, a half year earlier.

A number of years later I got the phone call from my brother that the person we considered one of our best friends committed suicide. My brother tried to convince me that he hurt more than I did. Who gives a shit about comparing hurt at such time or any time after that? Yes, as a younger brother he has always been in competition with me, and even in our friend’s death he tried to be better (more hurt) than me. 


A number of years ago, a good friend gave me credit for saving his life. He was about to do the same and it was me along with a few other close friends who were able to talk him off the ledge. Now every time I see a post of his on Facebook, I still let go a sigh of relief knowing he is still OK, or at least alive. I don't believe you (he) can ever be safe, but hopefully friends and family can help you (him) through your (his) darkest hours.

Growing up I learned that suicide is the most selfish thing you can do in life: “end your suffering but usually substantially increase the suffering of others.” Others say it is a cry for help, at least when people survive the attempt. I am not so sure anymore, I think that is probably mostly bullshit. It is depression, and that can be chemical but also just mental.

Depression is a scary thing, whatever the reason. I have been depressed, and have I ever thought about ending it? Absolutely, but only for a second and never really seriously. First as a teen when my parents pulled me away from my home in the sunny Caribbean and I ended up in damp cold Holland. I also thought about it at some other times in my adult life. Right now I am in a good place, so I have no worries, but I kind of know what depression is. Every time I had those thoughts of ending it, I knew they were ridiculous and would not solve anything, except solve my misery. However, I quickly realized that I would miss out on so much, or the rest of the story, and how hurt we were when our loved ones did it to us. I told myself to snap out of it. I realized that there was so much more to discover, to teach, to see, to photograph, to hobby and now to write about. I had and have so much more to say and (maybe my selfish way) to contribute to society. I forced myself to do one of those things I really enjoyed, like those I mentioned above, or some of the things I have mentioned in my blog like forest bathing, or walking in nature and exploring. It did not solve my depression instantly; yes, I stayed depressed, but every time depression set in I tried it and slowly the veil lifted and things started looking better again.

Here is a selfie of my ugly face on to of Mount Monadnock in New Hampshire.  We hiked it a couple of weeks ago.  Although the mountain kicked our ass (my knees still hurt two weeks later), it was an exhilarating thing; it lifted all our spirits, as it should.
Naturally, I had a few visits to a psychologist, I did not feel comfortable with the guy. But then I went to talk to him about another issue than depression, and he was OK in helping me with the issues at hand. For me it was a lot of working on myself and realizing that I was ridiculous and actually hurting my loved ones. I realize that I make it sound so damn easy, and it isn’t. I am also sure that I again will have periods of depression and hopefully will get through it.

As you can see, this week brought up a roller coaster of emotions for me. I still often think about my father and Rob, especially when there is another high profile suicide in the news. The first time it really hit home was when I heard about Robin Williams, although I have forgiven him, knowing what we know now. The other famous suicides will also eventually slide off my back as well. My father's suicide will never be easy to forget since he killed himself on Dr. Martin Luther King Day, January 15 and I will get a yearly reminder as long as I live.

Wednesday, February 21, 2018

Between every two pines is a doorway to a new world (2/21/2018)

It was Henry David Thoreau who wrote: “When I would recreate myself, I seek the darkest wood, the thickest and most impenetrable and to the citizen, most dismal, swamp. I enter a swamp as a sacred place, a sanctum sanctorum… I seemed to have reached a new world, so wild a place…far away from human society. What’s the need of visiting far-off mountains and bogs, if a half-hour’s walk will carry me into such wildness and novelty.” There is such a richness in this phrase that I want to sit back and take it apart.

The words “recreate myself” did he mean recreation as going on vacation or what we do in the present like going for a walk. Or, on the other hand, did he actually wanted to start from scratch and reinvent himself; did he have enough of it all and start all over again? Is this the same concept? 

What did he do? He entered nature; the darkest woods, the thickest, and most impenetrable. Something he calls a sanctum sanctorum that is far away from human society, but only a half hour away.

It seems though, that this is what Thoreau needed to recharge when he needed to get away from the craziness of the world and everything around him. It is in those woods that he had his cabin and spend a year as a monk living and observing and writing about the novelty.

Nina Beth Cardin wrote in the Bay Journal about her changing views of nature, which she calls enchantment. Her love deepened after learning more about what she was actually seeing in her back yard. As she describes it the trees, lichens, fungi, and later on from splitting and burning wood.

The phrase “Knowledge is Power” is often attributed to Francis Bacon, and readers of my blog know that I have quoted him (and this particular phrase) before, but I think Ms. Cardin shows evidence of that. A deeper knowledge and understanding of what you see often enhances the enjoyment. I am sure this is what Thoreau experienced and many others do too when they learn more about a subject. Anyway, this is one of the objectives of my blog. While I do not want to be too school-teacher-like in my blogs, I do hope that I can help some of you understand some of my love for nature, for biology, ecology and the environment in general. The other night in yoga, we had to concentrate on a word on what we wanted to think about ourselves and the first word that came to mind was educator.

Why is this so important to me? I like to mirror what Ms. Cardin quoted the botanist Liberty Hyde Bailey who wrote 100 years ago: “One does not act rightly toward one’s fellows if one does not know how to act rightly toward the earth.” I too strongly believe in the importance of the inner connectedness that we humans have with the earth and nature. When stressed and upset, going into the woods is my way of de-stressing; forest bathing is such an important thing for me. Yes there are the volatile chemicals (phytoncides) breathe in, but there is so much more. John Muir wrote: “Between every two pines is a doorway to a new world.” When I spend time in nature I enter a different place every step I take I enter that new world and I renew, recreate inside; the worries of world slide off my shoulders.


"Between every two pines is a doorway to a new world" (John Muir)
All I can say is: go out and enjoy nature. Yes, it is more fun when you know what you are looking at, but you don’t have to. More important is to let nature come over you. You may need to protect yourself against bugs, but in most cases that is the scariest thing you'll encounter. Go ahead ask me questions about nature, I will try to answer in the hope to increase your enjoyment of nature. But remember, you can enter that new world too and it does not have to be two pines!

Sunday, January 7, 2018

This is not a self-help post (1/7/2018)

In my previous blog I discussed how 2017 was for me.  I can assure you that while I tried to convince you, dear reader, that my glass is half full, there are always stressful times intermingled in my life, and yes I lose it at times.  A friend of mine wrote on her Facebook page that when her glass is half empty she gets a smaller glass and pours the content of the larger glass in it.  Well that is a way of changing your expectations or outlook on life.

There are all kind of ways to deal with stress (no this is not a self-help post, but just something I feel like sharing).  Some can be destructive to the person or close ones.  I am talking about alcohol, drugs or other addictions.  I like my glass of (red) wine (I wrote a few reviews of the Virginia wineries I visited), my beers (IPAs and stouts in particular ... I need to do review of them once: microbreweries and bottled), my single malts (I have around 8 different ones), bourbons (I have a few laying around), and a good cognac or armagnac (but I do not make enough money to drink that regularly).  But I generally do not have more than one drink during the week and two on the weekends.  There are exceptions of course, but that is a general rule.

So what do I do to de-stress?  It gets somewhat difficult when I travel and teach.  On days that I travel to a place, I often hope to get a nature experience in.  When I travel to the western part of the state it often becomes an hour hike on the New River trail.  When traveling to Front Royal, I love the visit the State Arboretum or find a piece of the Appalachian Trail to walk on for an hour or so.  When there is no nature, a book store or even an outdoor's store like REI (in Fairfax) will often fit the bill, at least there I can dream of being outside.

After teaching, when I stay another night, I often end up back in my room taking a nap.  Teaching takes a lot out of me.  I follow this up with a nice dinner (and a drink) and then I write and read (I recently updated my reading list).  I may have a night cap.  I watch very little TV, but I may have the TV on for noise and when I do it usually is on the Food Channel (I love cooking and baking).  Again, when I am out west and have my bike with me I might go for a bike ride on one of the many rails to trail sites that they have out there.  I have been known to visit a micro-brewery at times.  For one reason or another I do not frequent wineries when traveling alone.  When going home after teaching I tend to find a Starbucks or other high test coffee so I can survive the trip and get the hell out of there.  As you can see, I live a boring life.

When not traveling my stress relief consists of my almost daily lunch walks that end up at Starbucks for a cup of coffee and some writing or reading (my daughter complaints that this is where my retirement savings are going ... for me it is sanity).  We have moved and now my office is right next to Starbucks and I am not sure how to adjust my walks accordingly.  Another issue is that the last time I was there, there were three ladies from our office; before I was only the only one and I like being incognito.

At home I do yoga once a week.  I like it and have been doing it for 5 years now.  You all know that I like to practice "forest bathing."  A walk in the woods behind our home does wonders for me.  I also play with my bonsais and just looking at them and imagining what to do to them or how to prune them is very calming to me.  Sailing and being on or near water is another way of getting rid of stress.  My wife knits, and that is her way of being in the moment; her way of meditating. 


It has been very cold here I south east Virginia. It has been below freezing for a week and we have had snow.  Still, this has not deterred me (us) from getting outside and walking in the woods.
We even went for a 10 pm hike in the woods during our "snow storm" or the beginning of it.  The photo was taken with my head lamp on.


I think the overall idea is to entertain the mind, to keep it busy to be in the flow and concentrate on things you enjoy and not on the things that stress you out.  I've written about this a lot, but found it important to write about it again and keep reminding myself about it.

Friday, December 22, 2017

Forest bathing II (12/22/2017)

The other night we went out into our back yard after dark to show my wife what had excited our dogs today.  We put on our trusty head lamps and went to take a look.  Right on the other side of the fence, in our neighbor’s yard were the dismembered guts of an animal and some fir laying in the leaves.  We surmised it was most likely a rabbit or a squirrel that had become prey of a hawk or an owl.  We do have coyotes in the woods behind our home, but they would have had to jump over the fence and there was very little disturbance of the leaves; much more likely that the guts were dropped from the tree above.  I am not sure if either a hawk or an owl does not eat the guts or if they simply had their fill.  Anyway, the smell of the (rotting) guts had excited the dogs earlier in the day.

Turning around, my wife spotted two very bright emerald sparks in the leaf matter at her feet: “Wow, crystals?”  On further investigation, there was a small black spider scurrying around the leaves and the light beam from our headlamp reflected from its eyes and those were the sparkles that she saw.  It was 38˚F (3˚C) and the spider was still active in the leaf litter.  I don’t know what the little guy was hunting for, as I write in my spider blog, most spiders are hunters, but he or she was pretty safe.  Come day time the spider may become the hunted by all the birds in our back yard that scurry through the leaf litter.  As you know that makes me so frustrated watching all these people bagging leaves.  They are so important in our ecological cycle.
One of our bagging neighbors.  In addition to mining nutrients, getting rid of nutrients for birds etc, they also are exposing their topsoil to erosive forces.  Yes, they may have less mice, ticks and chiggers, but at what cost?
 I have learned a lot of things in 2018.  I have learned a new term: “Forest Bathing.”  I used to use the term “Nature Deficit Disorder” and while they are closely related, I think forest bathing describes a more intimate nature experience.  You linger in nature, absorb it all, take it in.  I guess you can forest bath to take care of that nature deficit disorder; although I read that even nature wall paper on your computer screen may take care of the disorder to some extent and that is not forest bathing.

That little spider with its reflective emerald eyes was part of such a forest bathing experience.  So were the guts of a dead animal.  It can really only be 5 minutes of observations, but longer would be better.  When walking through the woods behind our home, I always discover something unique, something different; at least when I am not in a hurry (see the photos below).  Even our dog Jake finds new things.  He often happens to roll in something very stinky in these woodsWe regularly flush a barred owl in the area and now I wonder if an owl discards the guts of its prey and that is what Jake rolls in.  He also feasts on deer pellets or as we call it deer pro-biotics for dogs.  Oh well.  

Regular readers know my writings about the discoveries in woods behind our home.  I have written about Washington’s shovel.  Well, it is still there, I saw it this morning.  I wrote about the over population of deer and signs they leave behind, but just look at my keyword on deer and there is much more.

The photos below were taken on this morning’s walk in the woods.  Just a quiet slow walk, observing what is around me.  It is just great to be out there, to take it all in.  We were not in a hurry.  Jake (the dog) was apprehensive this morning, "what was daddy doing, just standing around looking at things, taking pictures and taking his time?"   We were observing.  Just read the caption with the pictures.  Go do your own forest bathing, it does not have to be spiritual or mystical to enjoy it or to learn from nature. Remember any nature is good. 

Lastly, if you enjoy this and some of my more naturalist posts, I am reading a great book by David George Haskell called “The Forest Unseen, A Year’s Watch in Nature.”  It is a great read and even this biologist is learning a lot
.

Most of the trees in the woods behind our home are sticks, indicating it is a fairly young forest, but this oak was able to take advantage of an opening in the canopy to spread out wide.

This pine appears to have been hit by lightning but as the next two pictures show it is holding on to life, unlike many trees that are hit do.  However there is a dead streak going up all the way.  The bark is pealed off and woodpeckers have been busy.
The dead streak going up.
And up.

I am not sure what happened to this maple but it is holding on too.  The hardwood is dead but it seems to be doing fine.  You can see the live vain thickening on both sides of the cavity.

Sunday, July 9, 2017

Newfoundland "bathing" (7/9/2017)

Back from vacation already for about three weeks and Newfoundland feels worlds away.  It was such a different world.  I’m not sure if it was the news blackout we gave ourselves, the relaxed atmosphere, the constant supply of seafood, the great people, the cool temperatures, nature, or what it was.  Life had slowed down, I felt so relaxed. 

I took this picture at sunset along the west coast of the island just outside Rocky Harbor
I want to bet it was a combination of a lot of these things. But one thing I am for sure, I was constantly reminded about some of the things I wrote in my posts about “forest bathing”; the smell of the balsam fir in the forest was overwhelming. As I mentioned in that post, Japanese researchers found that the smell, fragrance or volatile substances called phytoncides that these and many conifers give off have a property of reducing stress levels and increasing killer cells, cells that kill tumor cells, in your body. They also lower your blood pressure. This effect seems to last a couple of weeks. Well darn it, it must have worn off in me by now, especially after being confronted by our life back here in the U.S.A., including nasty tweets!

The woods of Gros Morne National Park, a mixture of peat lands with balsam fir, larches, black fir, pitcher plants, and some other really cool plants.  It is especially the fragrance of the balsam fir trees that is so good for you! 
Nature in Newfoundland was amazing.  From some of the historical photographs and documents we saw, the island was quite forested and loggers cleared it over the years.  It looks like nature has not yet recovered from all that logging.  Newfoundland has a harsh environment, say the least, but wonderful.  I was amazed that on parts of the island, the deciduous trees had not yet broken bud and the larches had had just started in early June.  The ferns were in their fiddle stage.  Even the evergreens appeared to have just started their annual growth spurt.  This means that the growing season in these parts of the island is not more than about 4 or five months each year, and those cleared forests have a difficult time growing back.  Combine that with moose browsing and you know the results in some areas.  Still it kind of looks like what I would expect (tundra like).

This and many of the ferns in this area were finally sticking their head above the sphagnum moss.  Other plants that were growing here included pitcher plants and alder. 
Then there is this amazing variety in a small area. I am referring to an area called the “Table Lands” from which you can hike the Green Gardens Trail in Gros Morne National Park. In that area you go from a region that literally looks like Mars in a few miles to the Garden of Eden. It is a 8 mile hike (4 miles each way) but a crazy experience.

While not exactly the "Table Lands", this is an extension or the bottom of it.  There is little plant growth because of certain toxicities.  This is where the "Green Gardens" hike starts, and there is not much green here.  Actually the story goes that the Mars Rover was tested near here on the Table Lands.  How appropriate.

But then you come over the ridge and after a gorgeous hike you get in the "Green Garden."  Wild sheep graze here and there is some amazing scenery.  This hike will stay with me for a long time, because it was so beautiful, but also because my phone was stolen here (my only bad experience on the island ... see my previous post <here>).

Being out there in the Atlantic Ocean, close to Greenland and Iceland; right there where the cold Labrador Current runs into the Gulf Stream, near the Grand Banks one of the richest fishing grounds in the world, you can expect that Newfoundland is a seabird paradise.  It is therefore also a birdwatcher's paradise.  There are some colonies of birds that you only find here in North America.  One of themy are the puffins.  Other colonies we visited were those of the Cape St. Mary's Ecological Reserve, which were just absolutely unbelievable.  

Suffice it to say, we need to go back!  We did not get to see it all.  We need to hike more, go whale watching, see more moose, caribou, and visit areas we did not have the time for.

Puffin rock near Elliston.  During our visit is was around 38 degrees Fahrenheit (4 C), the wind was whipping (more than 20 mph) and it was drizzling.  When we got off the rock someone told us that last year a lady was blown off the rock to her death under very similar climatic conditions.  


The Murres of Cape St. Mary's Ecological Reserve.  These guys are sitting on eggs.

Gannets, gannets and gannets everywhere at Cape St. Mary's.  From a distance it looked like the rocks were snow covered, but they were brooding gannets.  And it smelled like their food ... fish.  

More gannets.

Need I say more?

Wednesday, October 26, 2016

You gotta please yourself ... on Training and Teaching (Part VIII) (10/26/2016)

This morning I had to think about the Ricky Nelson tune entitled Garden Party and the refrain:


But it is all right now, I learned my lesson well
You see, you can't please everyone, so you gotta to please yourself

and no I do not hide any overt sexual message in this quote and I do not think Ricky Nelson did either.

Going through the evaluations of the courses that I teach there is always one or two persons that misunderstand your intentions.  This last time an introduction and update of our program was seen as small talk and stalling until all the students were in.  I find it very important to let people know what is going on.

A few weeks ago we got these answers on course review questions:


3.  What did you like best about the course?  When it ended.

4.  What did you like least about the course?  Too long for value it serves for recerts.  Just another political example of ... <our agency> swinging their small sword with massive force.  Wasted hundreds in tax payer’s money for instructors + thousands in salaries and time of certified professionals.


5.  My comments or suggestions to better improve the course are: Do away with 18 credit nonsense of self-indulgence.

Thank goodness against that are 88 satisfied customers (aka students) so I am not worried, but in those cases Ricky Nelson's tune is very appropriate, and yes, the night before the class I pleased myself with a walk on the boardwalk of Virginia Beach following a pleasant dinner.  As many of you know, I am a "child" of the sea and nothing better than walking along the ocean.
Virginia Beach, Neptune, Ocean front
I generally shy away from selfies on my blog, but what the heck.  I should try to laugh more or make crazy faces, but here you have it, wind blown and really having fun.
But I think there is a valuable lesson to be learned here.  No, you can't please everyone, and that is a good thing.  When I was in the public radio business (yes, I dabbled in that too ... <this> was the station we started) we always said that if we did not at least got one complaint per hour, no one was listening.  So having someone complain about the class means that at least that person was paying attention.  Honestly, you can do things to the best of your ability and feel good about it.  You gotta please yourself.  If you are not happy with yourself, you do a shitty job.



Tuesday, September 20, 2016

Roots (2) (9/18/2016)

Of late I have been fascinated by roots.  I wrote about it earlier in the year, and today I would like to revisit it.  That blog of earlier this year had more to do about how our present is rooted in our past, not bad for a biologist turned amateur psychologist I would think.  In the real world I hear they have remade the TV series called “Roots” and I constantly hear about the genetic testing to see what your roots are, but that is not where I want to go with this post.

Today I am really interested in the real roots, the things that feed plants.  Those are the ones that have fascinated me for a long time, and the interest has grown even stronger.  What has happened that sparked this interest?  Well, for the past 30 years I have wanted to grow bonsai trees.  I have had trees in training since that time or should I say I have had trees that I kept in benign neglect.  I have not managed them probably for the past 10 years, just kept them in their pots and they have not done much.  Finally this year, I somehow figured it was time that I spend some time with them.

My 30 year old Japanese Black Pine, as you can see the trunk is still really small.  The tree had almost died this spring, I root pruned it pretty severely and planted it in a new pot.  It seems to be doing well.  I wonder what next year will bring.
Well the plants were root bound.  It was surprising that the plants were still alive.  Moreover, it was not surprising that they had hardly grown and still looked like seedling after the 30 years.  After untangling the roots, I cut them some and repotted them in what I thought was a very loose soil mix and yes they are growing great (that is, compared to the past 10 years).  They really seem to like what I did to them.  Then I started to look on YouTube at various Bonsai channels and was amazed how others hacked at roots, combed them out, arranged them to make them look like a “natural” tree with spread out roots, you name it.  I hurt and I cringed when I watched them hack at the roots.  But the plants recovered and did great!  (Here is one of the channels I watch).  I was way too gentle. (And wow I just realize, going back to my first post on roots that I mentioned above, maybe cutting all or most of your personal roots may be OK in some cases; you can grow new ones and be fine).


An overview of my selection.  A lot of these plants are close to 30 years old.  I need a bigger table and bonsai pots, but we are getting somewhere.
We all know what roots do; they anchor plants and take up water and nutrients.  Well, there is much more than meets the eyes.  In my teaching I tell my students how roots assist with the decontamination of polluted stormwater.  It seems that the root tips shed sacrificial cells (a.k.a. root cap) as they push through the soil.  These cells serve as nutrients for microorganisms which in turn absorb the pollutants that are in the water and break them down.  The roots will grow longer and the microorganisms will run out of these sacrificial cells to live on.  Eventually they will die and now these pollutants that have been broken down by the microorganisms will be released and become available as  nutrients for the plants and be taken up by the roots that fed them in the first place.  Pretty cool eh?

So it is understandable that combining my interest in roots, my interest in bonsai and my background in botany with a vacation that included hiking in the woods resulted in some photographs of some cool root structures.  In bonsai we are always interested in roots over rock, or showing a nice radial root structure over the ground.  When working with ficus trees, it is fun to get aerial roots.  In other words, I have been walking in the woods being aware of roots.  Here are a few pictures of some roots I have seen lately.

We found this root in Bigelow Hollow State Park in Connecticut.  The soil must have eroded quite a but to expose this much root since roots do not typically grow like this over the air.  You only get to see them when the soil erodes away.  This tree does not look very old, which leads me to the conclusion that erosion was very fast in this area.

This photo was taken along the Appalachian Trail in the Delaware Water Gap National Recreation Area (where we went for a 7.3 mile hike).  This one looks somewhat older but again the soil has eroded quite far.  Grated this is on a ridge, but still.  I love it the way this root has found its way in and around the rock.
During our visit to Pittsburgh in July we went for a hike on the Trillium Trail and tripped over this root structure of this massive beech.  Here again, soil erosion is very evident.