Veronica and the fornicating deer (11/18/2025)

On our walk this morning we saw a gorgeous (at least 8 point) buck humping a doe in the woods. This made me think about a wool hat that a friend of ours knitted for me. We always call this hat “The Fornicating Reindeer Hat”.

Ever since we met in April 1994, Veronica was special to us. She was an archaeologist at the company I joined, she was half Dutch and still had a grandmother (oma) in the Netherlands. Her father was a Mennonite from Selinsgrove, Pennsylvania, and her mother was half Indonesian and half Dutch. Her dad was ultra conservative, a chiropractor, alternative medicine doctor and anti-vaxxer. Mom was a traditional housewife and somewhat of a homesteader. Veronica had a lot of fights with her father but often showed the same conservative streaks that he had. She was an amazing fiber artist and an expert spinner, knitter and weaver. Lastly, Veronica was grossly overweight.

She left her profession and moved to Burlington, VT right after we left Cincinnati for the Hampton Roads in Virginia. We did not lose touch, especially early on. We exchanged monthly phone calls, and her job required her to travel all over the place, so she made an effort to visit frequently. Veronica became her mother away from home when our daughter moved to New England. We had fun visiting her one autumn to coincide with the famous New England leaf-peeping season.

Eventually, the phone calls became scarce and when we spoke, she seemed out of it, or even drunk. At times we spoke the day after and she did not remember that she had called us the day before. Veronica lost a couple of jobs, but it was never her fault, and we never clued in that it could be alcohol related. After a hiatus of a half year, she called us and told us that she had used her frequent flyer miles to fly to Rio de Janeiro to attend the Olympics, in particular the rugby games which she loved. Not long thereafter we got a phone call from her mom telling us that Veronica had died.

Veronica was 55 years old when she died, and we learned she had a thyroid issue but like her stubborn father refused to take the regular medicine that could keep it under control. Our daughter went to look for the obituary and googled her name. It was then that we learned that Veronica had a couple Driving Under the Influence (DUI) convictions (for drunk driving) and actually was sentenced to a half year in jail. This was during the time she was supposedly in Rio (the lies alcoholics tell). A combination of thyroid disease and alcohol abuse must have killed her. We suspected alcohol before but never figured it was that bad. We still often kick ourselves that we did not clue in and did not drive up to intervene. We miss her terribly and often talk about her, even some six or seven years after her demise.

Crazy what a couple of screwing deer brings back. While Veronica technically did not commit suicide, she did it in her own way. She hated her father and loved him at the same time. Some famous person once wrote that hate and love are the same emotion. We knew that a lot of her drinking was about her father. Every time our friend called while under the influence, she spoke about him. If you suspect that a friend is in trouble, go out and help him or her. I do not think we would ever make that error again, and neither should you.

This is the cap that Veronica knitted for me.  She told us that she would go to a bar and knit one of these in an evening and when a guy would tell her that he loved it, she would sell it to him on condition that he would pick up her tab.

Nomads, day 31 through 33 (10/3/2023)

The plot thickens! Somewhat on the spur of the moment we questioned that, while constantly driving from point a to point b can be fun and the landscape we drove through was often beautiful, were we really camping or was this just on a road trip? As a result of our deliberation, we decided to make an in-between stop at one of the Virginia State Parks. It was the weekend and looking online the only state park close to our route with an open camping spot were Grayson Highlands and the Natural Tunnel State Park. Since we visited Grayson Highlands already in July, we decided to go for the “Tunnel.” We could have easily driven home from Ashville but we decided we needed a break from driving and book two nights at the state park to relax, which gave us about a day and a half to explore. So, without further ado:

Day 31: Ashville (KY) – Wise (VA) – Natural Tunnel State Park (VA)

Days 32 through 33: Natural Tunnel State Park

By 3 pm on day two we decided that we enjoyed our brief “stay” camping so much that we asked the camp office if we could extend our stay by another day. There was room, so we stayed two whole days. We arrived around 3 pm on the first day, so technically we had two and a half day to explore this (actually) great park.

On the first day (day 31) we drove only around 120 or so miles. Like usually, we had a slow start (I’ll write more about this in my summary report, later this week), and followed US highway 29, south to the park. Still very mountainous, the surface of the road was poor. While the speed limit was 55 mile per hour, every darn vehicle, including big rigs, flew by us at an estimated speed of 70. It is amazing that nobody obeys the speeding laws, it makes you wonder what laws we teach our kids to break, or maybe it makes the increasing crime rates somewhat explainable. The drive through the Kentucky mountains was nice and the road got worse when we entered Virginia.

After setting up at the camp, we took a walk on the “Lovers’ Leap” trail. From the Lovers’ Leap view point you can clearly see why this is a tunnel state park. There is a huge natural tunnel through which they constructed a railroad. According to the legend, two native American lovers from different tribes (a Cherokee and a Shawnee) jumped to their death after their love affair was forbidden by their tribes. In other words, a native American Romeo and Julliette. We wondered if every culture has a story like it.

The weather was glorious at the park and as we mentioned above, by day two we were wondering if we could stay another day. Finally, a vacation, no driving but just a morning hike, shower in the afternoon and sitting in the shade, knitting and writing. Absolutely perfect; a great break from constantly driving and checking in late at the next campground.

The drive home will be long as I will briefly describe in my last post on our adventure of 34 days. After that I will write an overview of the trip. In other words, two more posts to follow and after that back to my regular writing schedule.

Relaxing with no place to hurry to

A view of Lover's leap

The tunnel

The tunnel

Relaxing (knitting) after a nice hike and a shower

Nomads, days 27 and 28 (9/29/3023)

We are getting closer to home, although on the spur of the moment we decided to extend our trip by cone more day. However, that is not the subject of the day; you will have to wait for the next post for that update. In this report, we are now about to turn east and head for home.

Day 27: Alamosa (CO) – Walsenburg – La Junta (CO) – Dodge City (KS)

Day 28: Dodge City – Spearville – Newton – Kansas City – Lee’s Summit (MO)

Now I am wondering myself, why mention these towns or cities in between? The reason for one is, so you the reader can follow the route on a map or some mapping program. Secondly, the locations mentioned here are somewhat significant on our travels. La Junta and Newton were lunch spots. In La Junta we had our first Sonic on our trip (actually in our life), but since we are traveling with dogs, lunch is in the van with the AC on. Moreover, at Sonic you can park under a canopy, somewhat in the shade. Sonis was not what you call fine dining; but it was ok. In Newton we stopped at a BBQ chain. That one was OK and we were somewhat enchanted by that small town.

We got gas in Walsenburg. One of the (not so) secret goals of our trip is to find yarn stores and boy, it looks like there was one right across the gas station. To our mutual disappointment, Edla’s had shut down. From the looks of it, the shop might have been closed for the past 40 or so years.

Other reportables include the huge windmill array in Spearville, and on day 27 the wonderful descent from 7500 feet in Alamosa to the shortgrass prairie in eastern Colorado. We drove along the Santa Fe trail (another thing to follow one of these days, or maybe the Oregon trail, or even the Mormon trail).

Finally Dodge City! Folks who know me know that during my lunch hour I used to go for a walk whenever I was working at the office in Richmond. My excuse was always that I needed to “get the hell out of Dodge.” In other words, it was time for me to put action to my words and get the hell out of Dodge. However, to leave you first have to enter and I needed to visit the famous western town Dodge City. Naturally, we needed to stay at the Gunsmoke TV park and visit Boot Hill. The camping was overrun by flies, and fair. Truthfully, we had our share of flies during our trip, but being in feedlot country really contributed to the number of flies that pestered us (and Radar). Dodge City, been there bought the t-shirt (literally).

We fell in love with the camping location in Lee’s Summit. This was at a county park and simply delightful. It was clean, well maintained and cheap ($20 per night). County parks have not disappointed us, to date. On the way over, we hit another wool store that was closed.

The last item in today’s report was the weather. For a weather channel junkie, somewhat science guy, and a meteorologist as wife, it was fascinating to watch the “dry” line set up. This is an imaginary line in the sky where thunderstorms develop and move east. It is a line between the dry desert air and moist air coming from the Gulf of Mexico. It was beautiful and from just west of La Junta to Dodge City we watched them develop. Based on the radar on our phone, one particularly large one seems to develop near Tucumcari, NM. It was beautiful to watch it grow to an amazing huge storm of an hour or so. In Garden City, just before Dodge City there were another few that were developing. Unlike what we have in Virginia, where thanks to the trees, we were treated to a visual spectacle watching storms develop. It was so nice to see the horizon.

The descent from Alamosa showed scares from a burn that must have occurred a year or so ago.  Root sprouters like aspen seemed to have survived the fire 

Developing thunderstorms on the "dry line"

Garden City thunderstorm

I shot the sheriff

Nomads, Long Beach 1, CA (9/22/2023)

This post I will name Long Beach, partially for obvious reasons, although it seems we have explored the entire Los Angeles basin. However, Long Beach is the home base where all our trips originated and returned to. Our daughter and her spouse live in Long Beach and that was the ultimate destination of our trip. Our girl, they always remain your girl, no matter how old they are, was going to be ordained as a Unitarian Universalist Minister and we needed to witness that.

We arrived on Thursday afternoon after a fun drive over the L.A. freeway system. It wasn’t that bad; I had a great navigator sitting next to me in the captain’s chair (“there will be a slowdown in a half mile”, get ready”; “do you see those brake lights?”). Parking in front of her apartment building was something else; it is basically a free-for-all, but we got a spot that we could squeeze the van in. We were advised to empty all the valuables, because of the homeless living down the street; my daughter already had their car window broken for what appeared to be an empty grocery bag. Some time after that we put shades and blankets in front of the windows to make sure the van appeared occupied, and no one could look in. This seemed excessive at first, but later in the evening while walking the dogs we observed a gathering of homeless folks and saw at least two vans that someone obviously lived in (a.k.a. boondocking). The doors to those vans were open and there was mosquito netting hung in the door openings, a sure sign of active living.

During our entire stay in the area, we were made very aware of the homeless crisis in this area. It is amazing. A couple of days later we visited a bonsai shop, and the owner (a 50-year-old Asian lady) started to blame the welfare state of California. We hesitated but did not tell her that Republican states are partially to blame for all this, by bussing them in.

A good friend of my daughter and fellow minister came in from Alabama the following day. She was going to sleep at my daughter’s place as well, and we needed to decide how to organize the sleeping of five persons and three dogs in a small townhouse. At night we had a small gathering at a microbrewery nearby and all was well. The first days we did not do too much, we had a ceremony to prepare for. Our daughter and spouse took good care of us, and we were acquainted with the area’s (Asian) donut shops (15 or so between home and her work), the taco stands (too numerous to count), and the ethnic food in the area, most notably Cambodian and Indonesian. The fermented fish dish at the Cambodian restaurant was interesting and delicious, but it or the uncooked vegetables gave me terrible gas. It seems that nobody cooks at home, and everyone eats out all the time.

Our daughter’s church where the ceremony took place is absolutely gorgeous and is in a beautiful location. We got there early which allowed us to scout out the place and take the nature trail, which is owned and maintained by the church, at the edge of the canyon that looks towards the Pacific Ocean. The ceremony was great, and we now have a reverend for a daughter. Afterwards there was a social gathering with a taco dinner, beer, wine and cake. We got to meet more colleagues, and congregants that we can remember. Later on talking with our daughter we heard the stories on all the folks we could remember talking to.

Sunday was a trip to downtown L.A. We visited Little Tokyo for lunch; this place is absolutely worth visiting and went for a hike up hill to the observatory. However, what goes up must come down and so did we. While the downhill was relatively easy, in hindsight I injured my knee; two days later it ballooned and was painful.

We visited the Huntington dog-beach on Monday (see the photograph below) and Tuesday was our bonsai and Japanese garden day.

I guess I’ll write more about our Long Beach visit (Wednesday, Thursday and maybe some other observations) in my next post.

We had to go wool shopping after the aquarium

One aquarium picture

The Japanese garden

Jasper did not like the waves at Huntington Beach

The view from the conservatory

Hiking to the observatory

One picture from the ceremony

Get together at the brewery 

Nomads, days 9 and 10 (9/12/2023}

Wow, we have been on the road since August 31, as of this writing that has been 11 days. In other words, I am a few days behind, so I better keep going. Today I felt really content and had the feeling I could keep going for years. My wife Donna had a weaker moment and admitted she missed living in a house. I think our dog Jasper agrees with her; Radar misses puppy time and playing but could probably join me with my travels. Naturally, this was only a weak moment from Donna, and we shall continue our journey. We have some catching up to do, and more about what we did today (day 11) in a later post.

Day 9 was spent quietly, and we eventually drove from Lewistown to Great Falls, which was only a 2 hour drive, or about 100 miles.

Day 10 was spent in and around Great Falls. I had scheduled a break in our travels, for what I was thinking laundry and just relaxing.

We woke up in Lewistown to rain, and it kept raining. Now it is no fun eating breakfast in the van, even with the seat turned around. Neither is it fun to sit outside on a picnic bench in the rain eating your breakfast. In other words, we decided to go out for breakfast. The day before, in a weak moment, we had breakfast at McDonalds, and we did not wish to repeat that dining experience. Really the food at Mickydee is OK, and it kept us satisfied till noon; it is just something we do not frequently do. The manager at the McDonald stop in Miles City was friendly and in the brief 20 minutes we were there, we learned more about her personal life (hiking), and her fear for AI, than we had ever hoped. She also profusely apologized for the motivation of the cashier at the restaurant. But then, I would probably also have a lousy attitude if that was my job.

In other words, we needed something else. Since we had the time, we put on a laundry at the RV place and went to the coffee shop downtown for breakfast. The place was jam-packed and after some waiting, these two couples invited us to join them at their table. We had a fun conversation, and all went well. The couple next to us were married the same year as us (they in May and we in June). It seems that Lewistown has a great festival on the first Saturday after Labor Day, and this was a kind of homecoming for the couple. The husband had gone to high school in town, but they now live in Illinois. However, we decided not to stay for the festival.

After waiting for the dryer to finish it was off to Great Falls. That afternoon we visited the Lewis and Clark Interpretive Center (which was great) and we went downtown to visit the fiber (wool) shop that Donna had been looking forward to. When we arrived at the “Farmer’s Daughters” or the fiber shop, they were about to close (prematurely). The owners had just been diagnosed with COVID. What to do? A microbrewery next door perhaps? They allowed us to sit outside on the terrace with the dogs. And then it rained; poured. Thank goodness they allowed us to finish our beer and early dinner inside even with our dogs.

The next day we headed back downtown, the store was sterilized, and Donna could finally shop for wool. We had initially considered a day trip to Glacier National Park, but instead we decided to visit the Benton Lake National Wildlife Refuge, maybe 20 miles north of town. Benton Lake was nice, it felt a bit like an African safari we had done 45 or so years ago; however, these was little wildlife, but some decent birdwatching around the lake.

At the end of the day, we just relaxed at the KOA campground we stayed at. KOA is not our style, but this one was decent with a dog park and a nature trail. My only major complaint was the roads on the KOA were full of mud and water. One interesting event happened. The wife of the folks next to us poured something on their campfire that created a blaze. In hindsight, I figured that it was some oil or started fluid. Subsequently she threw water on the flames, and as we all learn, water and oil don’t mix. The fire spread on top of the water and set their tent on fire. She was screaming and got more water when we walked by. I yelled at her not to pour more water and ran over to stomp out the flames with my feet. This was successful, but the entire corner of the tent burned out and eventually they ended up packing up and leaving the park. Oh well. A relaxing two slow days before continuing our travels.

After the rain in Great Falls that chased us into the brewery, there is a rainbow

The first evening we walked the nature trail at the KOA

A little out of order, but the beer and service at Mo was great!

At least one safari picture.  We saw two antelopes in the far distance

Inside shot of the wool shop

My August Sermon (8/30/2022)

I am sorry, but I have not written much lately. I have all kinds of excuses for this; they are all listed here in the following sermon I was asked to do in August. Now I am not horribly religious as some (or all) of you may know, but I am a decent public speaker and I do have a spiritual tendency. So here it is:

- - - - - - - - - - - - - - -
Introduction to the topic:

I was asked today to be part of the team that discusses the subject of “Care of the Soul” or simply put: Self-care. Now I am not a therapist, and as many of you all know from two months ago, I am a trainer. One thing I learned from being a trainer is that to be the best you can be, you need to be clear and not speak over people’s head, you do not only need book knowledge, but also life skills, experience. In addition, you need to be full of passion for your subject, compassionate and not condescending. How can I do that every time and how do I get ready and prepare to teach week in week out? Some of us call it Groundhog Day. Well, I get to the room a half hour early to set up. I sometimes talk with a few of my students that wander in, but mostly I just need to be there, absorb where I am, take it all in, relax and go through that ritual of setting up and getting ready. I center myself.

In the same realm, our UU principles tell us that we have to show compassion in our relationship with others and help our fellow human beings. Boy that can be difficult at times, don’t you all agree? Here too, it will be a heck of a lot easier if we would be able to center ourselves and take care of ourselves first before we set out to help our fellow human beings, the environment and all other things we are passionate about.

Today we will be talking about that. How by helping ourselves be centered, or in other words, by helping ourselves first, we can help others more effectively and potentially make the world a better place.


Homily (or Sermon):

This talk today will be very autobiographically, so hold on to your horses.

As I mentioned in the introduction selfcare is very important to us all.

My wife Donna and I take our dogs Jasper and Radar out for walks at least three times per day. Jasper sometimes acts like he needs some selfcare and does not need a walk, but as soon as we open the door and are ready to leave with Radar he is at the door to tell us: Hey aren’t you forgetting somebody?

We both have a Fitbit and for the past seven years or so we have been in a friendly competition on how many steps we can get per day. It is hardly ever less than 10,000 steps. We tell each other that exercise is good for us, even if our ankles, knees and hips are hurting that day. We claim that it is good for our body and our soul. We have to make those 10,000 steps, darn it.

The story that Patricia just told us shows that while walking may be a great tradition, it may not be taking care of yourself, or helping yourself. Noodles the dog in our story decided he needed a break and wanted a rest, a no-bones snack day. He just wanted to laze around and together with Johnathan his owner they had a peaceful, meditative day at home where they were able to snack and get mentally charged for the next adventures on the road. They just needed to center and by doing so they helped each other.

In the introduction this morning I told you a little bit about myself and how I prepare for my classes. I teach 2 classes 1 to 2 weeks a month at different locations throughout the state. Yes, I had a colleague who called it Groundhog Day, since it we only have 7 or so classes in our portfolio. It would be so easy to start droning and make it boring for the students. But that isn’t helping my students who are required to take those classes. I ask my students to tell me when I start getting boring, because at that point I plan to retire. This is the reason why I have my centering or selfcare ritual at the start of each class. I don’t rehearse my classes, to me that makes it boring, but that mental preparation is important. Donna knows it, there are many times when I come home or call home and tell her: Wow that was a great class, we had some great discussions. In essence it was great for my and hopefully for their soul as well.

Looking through the literature what are some of selfcare category we need to consider? Some psychologists suggest there are five:

1. Physical

2. Emotional

3. Psychological

4. Spiritual

5. Professional

Take these for what they are worth, I really don’t want to go into horrible bosses and obnoxious co-workers. I still have trouble dealing with those at times. The best thing to do there in my eyes is take a that no-bones 15 minutes, remove yourself from what aggravates you and center yourself. I do that by going for a brief walk.

This ties into taking care of our physical self doesn’t it. Yes, we all should take care as much as possible of our physical self. Some can do more, some less. That’s OK. For myself I know that very strenuous exercise gets the endorphins flowing, which gives me that runners high and makes me feel good; although I might have felt like crap when I was exercising.

But what can I or we do for our soul?

Personally, we have had a rough but fun July. Arthur, my father-in-law needed to be moved from independent living to assisted living. Although stressful, that would have been ok by itself, were it not that our daughter was getting married the weekend after. So, we had a very intense couple of weeks. How did we take care of ourselves, how did we center, take care of our souls?

Walking to the front to give my daughter away on her happy day.  We had a wonderful few days and are so happy for the married couple.

We exercise or walk, we have our hobbies, and we have our community, our friends. In other words, we take care of our physical needs, our emotional, spiritual, and psychological selves. Let me explain.

You might have missed us in church. All these activities took place on the weekends, and we were crazy busy, so the UUFP was out. We had our daily walks, one of which is usually around 10 in the evening (a great time to debrief).

Donna has her knitting. As I understand it knitting, depending on the pattern, involves counting and sometimes intricate maneuvers tantamount to meditation. You have to pay attention. During easy projects she listens to knitting podcasts or watches knitting YouTube videos. We obviously do not watch TV. There was a period where Donna was not able to knit and after three days, she was antsy and told me she missed it.

If you have been to a previous talk or sermon by me, you know I am a huge fan of forest bathing. No, that is nothing indecent, but it is just lingering in the woods without a place to go. It is almost the same as meditative walking in the woods, taking in the views, smells, and sounds. Nothing better than forest bathing to recharge the soul.

I also grow bonsai, the other day I counted my trees and I have somewhere around 105 or so trees in various stages of training. I have had some for close to 35 years.

Working on my trees, from watering, fertilizing, the clipping branches, repotting, analyzing them, just talking to them and just being with them is pure meditative to me. In the evenings I watch bonsai YouTubes. Those videos were how I could and can escape at night, center and heal from a day’s work and stress. As Joanne once told me, you have given some of them 33 years of care and they are taking care of you, your soul, every time you are among them.

Other things we do as couple include biking and being on the water like kayaking. At least for us, the minute we are out there, we cannot think of what is going on in the world, our jobs, or in our lives, we can only just enjoy where we are and be in the moment.

Being in the moment is what centering is all about. Being in the moment takes care of yourself, your soul and forgetting about the things around you. Of course, without getting into physical harm. A lot of people use meditation or yoga to be in the moment; when I go to a concert I am in the moment.

Now based on what I told you here this morning we prepared a number of wondering questions for you. Questions to meditate over for a little while. I will ask them and give you a minute or two to meditate over them, to be in the moment with. You do not publicly need to answer them, but if you have the desperate need to tell them in public, I will allow you to do so.

After that we will sing a hymn and then Tara J. will lead us in a short session of chair yoga where she will help us to center ourselves and be in the moment.

I will preface the questions with a short anecdote about myself.

Question 1:

I have already told you some of my practices from Forest Bathing to working on my bonsai:

• Think about what spiritual practices you've found helpful in your own life.

Question 2:

Don’t tell him this, but ever since we moved my father-in-law to assisted-living, he is receiving more care from the facility. I have heard Donna tell him NO over the phone a few times now. Like NO the nurses or help are right there, ask them to help you. I know that in the past I have had a lot of trouble saying no to requests but in my old age it is getting easier.

• I wonder how we can find the balance between saying "yes" and saying "no".

Question 3:

This is what my whole talk has been about so without further ado:

• I wonder how you take care of your own needs so that you can then help other people with their needs.

Question 4:

This and the next question go hand-in-hand so hold on I will ask them both at the same time:

• I wonder how we can best serve others.
• I wonder what else we can do to center the people we want to help.

And Question 6:

• I wonder what other care my soul needs; do you know what care your soul needs?

Conclusion:

I realize that what I told you today was somewhat auto biographical, and as I mentioned, in no way am I an expert in centering myself or even being a balanced person. But boy do I try. Over my life I think I have gotten better at it, mellowed somewhat. But you better ask my wife privately if that is really true.

My philosophy of life is that as a human being we should try to help to make everybody’s life a little better than it was before, regardless of who they are. Very much like what is reflected in our first, second, third, fifth and sixth principles. We can only do that by being at peace with ourselves, and we can only be in peace with ourselves by centering ourselves and taking care of our own soul first.

Blessed be.