Death comes easy. (2/17/2023)

Boy, it has been almost more than a month since I posted something here on my blog. In my eyes I have a valid excuse for it, but then, don’t we all have that when we procrastinate? But I really do! In the intermediate time, my wife got COVID, and my 95-year-old father-in-law had an accident and passed away, died, kicked the proverbial bucket! Since my wife had COVID during the onset of the whole affair, I all the sudden was trusted into the middle of it all as the main care giver, which left me little time to attend to this blog.

OK, if this hasn’t left some of you gasping for air, let’s dive into the details and a little of my feelings. I’ll try not to make this a tearjerker or terribly sentimental, I promise, I just want to share some of my observations and feelings. I still feel that I have been burning the candle at both ends and somehow got through it without COVID. My wife and I received our booster around the same time. Moreover, we did not isolate after she felt sick and tested positive. My only explanation is that I was running on adrenaline and that this somehow protected me.

She came down with it on a Monday evening. I had to teach an online class on Tuesday and Wednesday mornings. In addition to this I had to take care of a sick wife. My father-in-law was anxious that his daughter had COVID and although we tried to convince him it was not that bad; however, we could not visit him in the fear of infecting him. My wife had actually visited him the afternoon before she got sick. As a result, he had been isolated by his assisted living place as well in the fear that he was infected as well. He survived COVID earlier in 2022 so we hoped he still had enough antibodies. In addition, he had gotten a booster in November.

Things looked up on Thursday, but then Friday morning we got the word he was in the emergency room. He had fallen twice the night before. The wife was still in isolation, and it fell on me to find out what was going on. He was admitted to the hospital later that afternoon, which meant numerous hospital trips for me the next couple of days. On Tuesday they finally transported him to a rehabilitation unit 5 minutes from our home, which made it a bit easier on me. That Thursday my wife came out of isolation and was finally able to visit her father. He passed away the next Tuesday night (or maybe early Wednesday morning) around midnight. When he was in the hospital the doctor kept telling us he was 95 (almost 96) and that he was near death. Eventually it came out that he could no longer swallow and that he had two to three weeks to live. I am just happy that my wife, her brother, and our daughter got to see him while he was still alive in the rehabilitation/hospice unit.

All together, these were a rough combined two weeks. But as you can guess it is not over. Then comes cremation, memorial arrangements, lawyers, emptying apartments, you name it. It reminded me of 19 years ago when my mother died. I felt that I never had time to grieve until I got on the airplane to fly home. She died in the Netherlands, and I was there and watched her die. It was a sudden death; however, almost immediately I had to deal with a hysterical sister, the next day pick up my brother at the airport, make funeral arrangements, keep my brother and sister from killing each other, have a service, pack all her belongings, put her condo on the market and arrange the inheritance. Do this all, in one week. Having had no time to really grieve, I burst out in tears when the plane took off and cried or was hurting all the way home across the ocean, finally. As a result, I became alienated from both my sister and brother.

Death is interesting. You die and then it is over. When my father-in-law entered the rehab/hospice unit the doctor explained what was about to happen to him. The doctor told us that when he was about at the end of his story my father-in-law interrupted him and said, “and then I die.” He was an engineer and did not believe in anything after death. Neither do I, nor does my wife. It is wishful thinking that there is anything after death. Both my wife consider heaven here on earth and want to make it so.

My father believed in a strange form of reincarnation. Something like your spirit or soul returns to a great lake or a reservoir from which a minute amount comes to enter a new human (baby) to grow and develop. Once this conscious has grown and is fully developed and the host (person) dies it returns to the reservoir thus enriching the grand total making the overall grand mind richer in the log-term. It’s an interesting thought.

One final thought. Raquel Welch died this week at 82. Tim McCarver at 81. Whenever, I see those numbers I think “damn, 12 more years for me.” Thinking about it that way, it is not much fun. But then I could have a heart attack tomorrow. Mortality is not a prominent part of my thinking, but I am more aware of it now since I am getting older and closer to retirement <read here>. This afternoon, I saw two young chicks (sorry that sounds sexist, I know) smiling, walking their dogs. I could not help wondering if they are aware of their mortality and live in the moment. More and more, I am starting to appreciate everything I experience, life and nature around me. I hope you do too. Life is short and very precious.

I rarely post a picture of myself, but this is the most recent one of me with my father-in-law.  It was taken about three weeks before he died.  We had dinner at a Mexican restaurant.  You can see the edge of his margarita glass on the left side of the picture.  He enjoyed those.  On his death bed, while having hallucinations he kept hinting at drinking a beer or wanting to have a beer.  We should have smuggled one in!

Living in the moment (12/19/2021)

Each year, around this time of the year I seem to write a post where I review what happened in the world and in my life during the past year. I gave 2020 the proverbial middle finger for contributing COVID, my house arrest and tRump at his best. But what did 2021 bring us, or do I even want to write about it?

It is my understanding that the Buddhist are very strong believers of living in the moment. Living in the moment or not dwelling over the past and not being anxious over the future.

Dwelling over the past. My thesaurus tells me that the word dwell also means inhabit or live. This will age me, but it reminds me of one of my favorite Jethro Tull albums and associated tune “Living in the Past.” Part of the lyrics go like this:

Now there's revolution
But they don't know
What they're fighting
Let us close our eyes
Outside their lives
Go on much faster
Oh, we won't give in
We'll keep living in the past
Oh, we won't give in
Let's go living in the past
Oh no, no, we won't give in
Let's go living in the past

Damn, here I go again on a tangent, don’t I? Not really, the Album Living in the Past came out in 1969 and this part of the lyrics can apply to the much of the January 6th insurrection we saw. Those folks did not know what they were fighting for, and I am sure they still do not! They think they did, but was that really what was behind it all? A red-haired wannabe dictator who only cares about himself and maybe his rich cronies as long as they adore him, otherwise he’ll throw them under the bus. He somehow was able to whip up the masses with some popular ideas, but he doesn’t give a damn about them. The perfect demagogue, Mussolini, Stalin, Castro, etc. all in one person.

So yes, maybe it is better for me to live in the past, the times before we lost our innocence, and the country elected this red-haired wannabe dictator? Or should I focus on living in the moment? Boy what a conundrum.

This past year I have been very anxious about the future, my aging, and our environmental future as you can conclude from my blog posts. So, what remains? Yes, I better live in the moment, otherwise I’ll turn into a complete wreck!

But no, we can learn from the past and come to terms with it. I am still trying to do that in my personal life at times, although I think it is working most of the time. Regarding the future, I still need to plan, maybe try to lose those few pounds, my 2022 travel and teaching schedule, eventual retirement, and yes keep fighting for the environment and future generations. I wrote a post about bonsai work and how it is all based on long range planning (actually it was a political post, turned bonsai post, but as regular readers you know how my strange mind twists). So, living in the moment does not mean just sitting here staring at my belly button a.k.a. my computer. I want to try to make every moment count and live life to the fullest; enjoy it.

So maybe my next post will be a yearend review, although maybe not; I think I did a pretty good job at it here today.

I took this photo mid-November of my desk (top).  It is iconic for the year, I suppose.  Working from home and some of my (tropical) plants, inside for the winter months.  It is definitely not my Richmond office; they don't allow live plants there.

Green economy (1/24/2019)

It was somewhat encouraging reading Thomas Friedman’s editorial in the New York Times the other day entitled “A Green New Deal Revisited.” In it he mentions that there seems to be a group of new U.S. representatives who seem to take global warming and other environmental issues seriously. I hate to use the word crisis in particular since we were joking about starting a drinking game and having a shot of bourbon every time Trump mentioned the word crisis during his White House address the other day or when he talks about his famous border wall, but in reality our environment is in a state of crisis.

According to Friedmman, it seems that congress woman Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez and others have actively started the ball rolling. Leave it to this young lady to have the guts to do so. Not that I want to sound like an old man who is set in his ways. Yes, I recently wrote an account about an old guy going into the woods with his dog. I just wanted to write something different, more story like. I wanted to change the narrative a bit while still being serious about the environment. I wanted to approach nature’s beauty and importance from a different angle; discover it and enjoy it. I wanted to write about the excitement and importance of being out there.

Let's go back to the “Green New Deal” as Friedman calls it. This one is really exciting. This group of legislators are understanding that we getting close to reaching a point of no return. It is now or never when it comes to environmental protection! So they are calling for the U.S. to completely transition away from fossil fuel in the next 12 years. How the heck would we do that, you may ask. Well, according to Friedman, in order to protect “Mother Nature”, ourselves and future generations, we will have the be nice to “Father Greed.” What does he mean with that? He proposes passing environmental regulations, fuel efficiency standards, green building codes and all those wonderful things. This would make it much more attractive for innovators to develop alternative (green) methods of doing business, of transportation, of living, etc, It would make it more cost efficient. For example, whenever you look into solar energy it is always compared to the cost of energy supplied to the home that is generated by fossil fuels by the energy companies.

In 2007/2008 Friedman published something like the four zeros. Zero-net energy buildings, or buildings that produce as much energy as they consume; zero-waste manufacturing; zero-carbon power grid; and zero-emission transportation.

This all seems very ambitious, and my first reaction is that this will the hit the economically underprivileged harder than those who are richer and well off. The poor will suffer either way, when we live greener and combat global warming or when we do nothing about it; under an increasing warmer world. But then, what will happen if we do nothing about the trajectory we are on?

Most ordinary folks, it seems, are aware of global warming and know it is an important issue. They know we need to do something about it. However, we are at the mercy of a few rich manufacturers; the few elite, rich capitalists who can buy off our politicians. It seem that they don’t give a damn what happens to the world’s climate in name of the almighty dollar, their profits; the stuff they can’t take with them to hell, when they die. But for right now, they can afford more powerful air conditioners, better insulated homes, and protect themselves from us when disaster strikes, or so they think.

Our world currently has somewhere around 7.6 billion people running around on it. In the next 10 years we are expected to add another billion to it. These billion folks also want to have somewhat of a comfortable life, air to breath, clean water, transportation and maybe a Western standard of living. All I can say is: “Good luck.” At least if we continue with what we are doing right now. Something has to give. We have to take care of our children and grandchildren.

Where do we start? Well, my next car is going to be a hybrid. I use as little chemical fertilizer in my yard as possible and no pesticides. I teach, blog, preach and talk about the environment. I try to live what I preach. Does it help? Who knows, only time will tell. But if we all contribute our small part it will, or at least it may! If we don’t, we can guarantee the we or our future generations will live to experience the consequences. For the rest we need to support those politicians that are actually fighting for the environments, against global warming. Those folks and politicians who have the foresight and vision and want a better world, instead of the status quo.

How do you live your life? (4/12/2017)

I have been following a blogger with the name of Mark Mason for a while. He is a self-proclaimed thinker, writer and life enthusiast. His latest post hit home; he titled it “Life is a Video Game--These are the Cheat Codes.” While Mark drops a lot of F-bombs in his article(s), more than I have ever dropped in my entire blogging career, it still got me thinking.

Mark tells us that in his opinion our life as a video game has 5 difficulty levels:

• Level 1 – Find food; find a bed to sleep in at night
• Level 2 – Know you’re not going to die
• Level 3 – Find your people
• Level 4 – Do something that’s important and valuable to both yourself and others
• Level 5 – Create a legacy

No, I am not dead yet.  But who the hell am I and am I really doing something that is important and valuable to myself and others, or am I creating a legacy?   (Actually, I took this selfie by accident after biking on the New River Trail, but I kind of like it).

That is what got me wondering, “at what level am I?”  This is exactly why this article hit home.  But first, I somehow agree with Mark’s assessment of these levels.  There may be small steps in between, or detours, but when you look at it, these are important levels.

Most of us have no problem reaching Level 1; although walking through downtown Richmond and seeing some of the beggars and in the morning, or when I see this guy sleep in the doorway of this abandoned building.  At that point you just can’t escape the feeling that even some people can’t reach that level for one reason or another.  It is sad that we have no safety net for them and we can't even help them to the next level.  Some people argue that they don't want help, and who knows, some may not.

Level 2 is where things may start breaking down already; many people and particular kids in the inner city are not sure if they are going to survive to make it to the next day or to adulthood.  There is so little future for them and maybe this is why they will join gangs and don’t give a shit about life.  They somehow try to cheat this Level and go to Level 3 and try to find their people in gangs and groups, but actually these groups will most likely drop them like a hot potato (and kill them) when they become a liability or when they are no longer needed.  Not really true friends.  But then what do you do when you have no future or really never think you will be able to attain Levels 2, 3, 4 or 5 in your lifetime?  This is why the “Black lives matter” movement is so important, that should give them more hope and more genuine support you need to get to Level 3.

Last week when I was teaching, there were these four guys who were horsing around with each other.  It was so much fun to see them joke with each other like what appeared to be true friendship.  I fed on that and it made my teaching fun.  They obviously reached Level 3.  But there are also so many fake friends; it reminds me of the “Sopranos” where friends were expandable and you could easily fit them for concrete shoes.  Good, true friendship is hard to find, and from what I understand we guys have a more difficult time with it than women do.  However, it really is that Level 3 where a lot of people get stuck, in my eyes; they never get past that level. 

Even here at work, you see that too many people can never get past Level 2 or maybe Level 3.  They seem to come to work and go through the motions; play the social butterfly; try to please everyone; write reports for reporting sake; worry about writing a good report or looking good to their superior; kiss up; play the politics; you name it.  But in the end the only reason they do it is maybe to be accepted; noticed; fill in something they are missing in their private life or maybe when they grew up; be the boss’s favorite and hopefully get that promotion and a raise.  In the end they think they are doing this for themselves, but at what satisfaction?  In my eyes they compromise their entire lives away and are not genuine to themselves and to others.  They go through the motions in life, make fake friends, and make sure that they don’t miss that bus in the evening to take them home where they can veg out and watch TV or play video games in order to block out the miserable life they lead at work.  When push comes to shove, they have not done anything valuable for themselves, for their friends, for society or the community at large; although they keep trying to convince themselves that they did.  Many people live a life of denial. As Joni Mitchell once sang, they could have been more.

But even in the classes that I teach.  Granted, all these people have to take my classes to get recertified.  However, I make them as fun and interesting as I can, and I get a lot of reviews that tell me I am doing a good job at that.  But I also have a lot of people who sit in the back of the class and as I think about it: just browse porn site on their phones, and don’t pay attention to me what so ever.  They go through the motions because their supervisors tell them they have to take these classes.  They have no ambition to ever make it to Level 5 and maybe not even Level 4.

As Mark writes, Level 5 is making sure that your life mattered when you are dead.

At the end of his blog Mark writes the following (and this is a direct quote):

Good luck Player One. Remember, the game of Life is designed to be complex and confusing. The difficulty is not winning, but knowing what winning itself means. Because that’s the real challenge: deciding what our own life is worth and then having the courage to go out and live it.

I have tried to live my life to the fullest. When we were younger, my wife and I were out there in development work living and working in Africa, Asia and the Middle East, sometimes at difficult circumstances (at gunpoint and under floods as I have described in previous posts). We were taking risks and putting ourselves out there; we were already living in Level 4. Even now, every time I teach, I have decided that I have a successful day and leave a legacy when I am able to truly educate, enlighten and motivate one or two persons in the class of 30 to 40 people that day. For the rest, I am trying to fight for what I believe in, write that book and live a good life. Don't worry, I am not trying to show off, there are times that we all digress and there are times that I only live in Level 1 or 2.  But at least at times I have been up there and it sure feels nice up there.

So again, at what Level am I?  I really don't know, but I'll do my darnest to reach Level 5.  What Level are you and at what level will you be by the time you die?

Roots (2) (9/18/2016)

Of late I have been fascinated by roots.  I wrote about it earlier in the year, and today I would like to revisit it.  That blog of earlier this year had more to do about how our present is rooted in our past, not bad for a biologist turned amateur psychologist I would think.  In the real world I hear they have remade the TV series called “Roots” and I constantly hear about the genetic testing to see what your roots are, but that is not where I want to go with this post.

Today I am really interested in the real roots, the things that feed plants.  Those are the ones that have fascinated me for a long time, and the interest has grown even stronger.  What has happened that sparked this interest?  Well, for the past 30 years I have wanted to grow bonsai trees.  I have had trees in training since that time or should I say I have had trees that I kept in benign neglect.  I have not managed them probably for the past 10 years, just kept them in their pots and they have not done much.  Finally this year, I somehow figured it was time that I spend some time with them.

My 30 year old Japanese Black Pine, as you can see the trunk is still really small.  The tree had almost died this spring, I root pruned it pretty severely and planted it in a new pot.  It seems to be doing well.  I wonder what next year will bring.

Well the plants were root bound.  It was surprising that the plants were still alive.  Moreover, it was not surprising that they had hardly grown and still looked like seedling after the 30 years.  After untangling the roots, I cut them some and repotted them in what I thought was a very loose soil mix and yes they are growing great (that is, compared to the past 10 years).  They really seem to like what I did to them.  Then I started to look on YouTube at various Bonsai channels and was amazed how others hacked at roots, combed them out, arranged them to make them look like a “natural” tree with spread out roots, you name it.  I hurt and I cringed when I watched them hack at the roots.  But the plants recovered and did great!  (Here is one of the channels I watch).  I was way too gentle. (And wow I just realize, going back to my first post on roots that I mentioned above, maybe cutting all or most of your personal roots may be OK in some cases; you can grow new ones and be fine).

An overview of my selection.  A lot of these plants are close to 30 years old.  I need a bigger table and bonsai pots, but we are getting somewhere.

We all know what roots do; they anchor plants and take up water and nutrients.  Well, there is much more than meets the eyes.  In my teaching I tell my students how roots assist with the decontamination of polluted stormwater.  It seems that the root tips shed sacrificial cells (a.k.a. root cap) as they push through the soil.  These cells serve as nutrients for microorganisms which in turn absorb the pollutants that are in the water and break them down.  The roots will grow longer and the microorganisms will run out of these sacrificial cells to live on.  Eventually they will die and now these pollutants that have been broken down by the microorganisms will be released and become available as  nutrients for the plants and be taken up by the roots that fed them in the first place.  Pretty cool eh?

So it is understandable that combining my interest in roots, my interest in bonsai and my background in botany with a vacation that included hiking in the woods resulted in some photographs of some cool root structures.  In bonsai we are always interested in roots over rock, or showing a nice radial root structure over the ground.  When working with ficus trees, it is fun to get aerial roots.  In other words, I have been walking in the woods being aware of roots.  Here are a few pictures of some roots I have seen lately.

We found this root in Bigelow Hollow State Park in Connecticut.  The soil must have eroded quite a but to expose this much root since roots do not typically grow like this over the air.  You only get to see them when the soil erodes away.  This tree does not look very old, which leads me to the conclusion that erosion was very fast in this area.

This photo was taken along the Appalachian Trail in the Delaware Water Gap National Recreation Area (where we went for a 7.3 mile hike).  This one looks somewhat older but again the soil has eroded quite far.  Grated this is on a ridge, but still.  I love it the way this root has found its way in and around the rock.

During our visit to Pittsburgh in July we went for a hike on the Trillium Trail and tripped over this root structure of this massive beech.  Here again, soil erosion is very evident.

Que sera sera, what ever will be will be, really? (3/8/2016)

Of late I've been interacting with people or hearing about people who seem to be so fatalistic, and just take life laying down.  I went out to the field with an absolutely great guy, who in is mid forties and already has developed type two diabetes.  He warned me about it, since he had to take an insulin shot at the lunch table, to make sure I did not have to deal with someone in a sugar coma later on during our work in the field.

Not that it grossed me out or so watching someone shoot up, it just upset me to see someone so young and nice to be so matter of fact about it.  He was like: "My grandmother has it, my mother has it, so I knew it was just a matter of time before I developed it."  He went on telling me how skinny his grandmother was (he is not that skinny; he is actually a big bear).  But, he told me it was to be expected since it was familial.  He continued to tell me that the insulin shots actually caused him to gain some weight, which if you believe the books would make a person even more insulin dependent.  More than half of the people in my wife's office have the same affliction of being either pre-diabetic or having full-flung type 2, and yes there are a few who also blame their genes or as I sometimes say, "their uncle Bob."  But then, I seem to blame anything on Bob!

So I come home with this story nagging my brain, and my wife comes home from the field after talking with a guy who is convinced that he will be dead in a year.  All his relatives died by the age of 60 except his father who died at ripe old age of 63, so at the age of 59 he figured his years were limited.  In other words, who cares, he might as well throw in the towel, give up and let his life and health go to hell, since he is going to die after all: a self fulfilling prophecy?  He basically summoned my wife to get his business in order before he died.

Waiting for a food cart in Richmond this afternoon, few people know what their health future will be, or maybe few know what it actually is or they are cavalier about it.  I know that when I travel I don't often eat the most healthy, but at least I try to get some exercise in to offset my diet.

I have just been so bothered by people taking things lying down and taking things spoon fed.  When I teach my students I try to help them think, understand and appreciate what lies beneath it all.  I want to instill a wonder lust; a curiosity.  I know it is often appreciated.  Sadly, all that I see lately is people just blindly following demagogues (politicians); they seem to follow the same paths where the rest of the herd is going without asking questions; or even personally concerning themselves, they let their relatives (uncle Bob) and parents rules their health, life and longevity.

What lies beneath it all.  A dear friend and fellow teacher uses this picture in one of his presentations and it is emblematic of it all.  We need to look beneath it all Look at the root instead of being spoon fed.  The hammer sharks here also symbolize my I need to work (hammer) on myself physically and mentally.

Darn it, if I believe this, I should be having treatment for prostrate cancer by now, because that is what my father had at my age.  I was tested and I'm doing fine.  I also made sure I did not suffer from any brain aneurysms as my mother had and I suspect her mother had.  I will "Go my own way" damn it, just like that popular Fleetwood Mac song.  I know I need to clean up my life, but then again, I am not as bad as some others that I know.  It is such a damn cliche, but such a good one: "getting old is not for sissies," I am stiff, I hurt, but I'm going to fight getting old all the damn way!  That is why I sail, why I bike, why I hike, why I blog, practice yoga, try to meditate, live in the moment, and why I still threaten my wife that I will retire when I am 70.  It is just that I want to live my life my own way, with my wife and my friends, without people telling me how to live it or what to expect based on some preconceived idea or model.

Knowing how essential exercise and moving is I made sure that during my tripto Front Royal Virginia today I stopped over at a point where the Appalachian Train crossed the highway and I went for a walk.  My fitbit reported I walked for an hour and a half for 5640 steps, average heartbeat was 106 with top rate at 159.  I climbed over 500 feet at times.  Great exercise!

Roots (2/8/2016)

When I took the photo below of the root my wife told me that it would make a great entry in my next nature blog/journal.  Her comment did not leave the back of my mind for a long time now; it has been more than a week since I took this picture.  It is like planting a seed in one’s mind and watching it germinate and take root (pardon the pun).

This picture was taken in Newport News Park showing an old road cut and how the tree is rooted into the soil (photo take 1/31/2016).

I was at a loss what to write about, except for showing this picture, but then while listening to a program on Post Traumatic Stress Disorder or PTSD on Satellite Radio it all the sudden struck me: what we are now is all rooted on past experiences and we feed on it, whether we like it or not.  Buddha tells us:

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment,” 

but it is so damn hard to follow.  If you are like me, it is so difficult to live in the moment sometimes, my mind is all over the place.  (So sorry guys no nature blog while talking about roots)

Listening to that program on PTSD, reminds me of a dear friend who served in Iraq and suffers from PTSD.  I witnessed one of his flashbacks and it was terrible to see a strong grown man have these.  Another acquaintance of mine who served in Afghanistan told me he has them too.  Their current lives are rooted in those past experiences, it has changed them and it’s difficult to escape at times.  My father had them his entire life, after spending time in Hitler's camps.  Interestingly, the doctors were discussing that there are indications that they can now detect PTSD in the tone of voice of PTSD sufferers and maybe even in the content of their saliva. 

Listening to the program, I was immediately taken back to my first experiences in Uganda in 1978, and I was wondering if I am (or my wife and I are) psychologically shaped the way I am (we are) by the events I (we) went through back then, just like the doctors were discussing on the radio.  I know my wife and I had PTSD after we were liberated in May 1979; the strange sound of a toilet flushing sent my wife under the table the first time she heard it, thinking we were being bombed or being shot at.

But even now, just listening to the discussion on the radio gave me flashbacks to that time 37 and 38 years ago.  Suffice it to say, I should have been killed but I escaped getting killed probably four times.  I also still feel guilty for not preventing a young boy from getting killed by an angry mob two days after we arrived in the country.  It’s all too gruesome to describe, but if you like me to, let me know and I can blog about it, one day.

It all came rushing back to me, again.  I wonder if the tone of my voice and my saliva are different from what it would have been if I had not experienced it, or my elevated blood pressure is caused by it or my migraines are partially the result of it.  So yes, I am rooted in the past, and I know I should not dwell on it just as Buddha says, but concentrate on the present and maybe prepare for the future.

Downtown Richmond, the roots of this old tree have expanded so much that they are growing over the curb and the sidewalk.  It makes you wonder what they can find there.  I am always amazed by the tenacity of some of these trees.  Looks like someone is trying to feed the tree some Red Bull, I hate people who liter (photo taken 2/9/2016).

Jamestown (1/28/2016)

I drove the Colonial Parkway on the way back home today and snapped this picture of Jamestown Island and the calm James River today.  The water was like glass, the sky was grey, and it was very peaceful until a van with high school students stopped who were obviously on a school project. 

Took the day off today to go to a workshop at the Jamestown Settlement today.  It was a four hour course on"Nature Journaling."  While it was not exactly what I was hoping for, I did have a lot of fun and I did learn quit a bit.

The course was put on by the Jamestown/Yorktown Foundation and was part of a special antiques native plant botany exhibit that they have.  If you are a regular reader of my blog, that's right up my alley.  Yes, I was hoping to learn some tricks of the trade that I could use here in these blog entries, and I guess maybe I will some day.  Maybe I have entered the instant electronic gratification era with my digital photographs and the blog, and am I lost (forever) from the more elegant note taking of the past.

The 4 hour course was given by Betty Gatewood.  Betty is an absolutely delightful person with an energy that is enviable.  She is an amateur naturalist/water colorist; one of those renaissance people.  If you ever have a chance to take a class of her, don't hesitate!

What did I learn?  Journaling is not a crazy hobby or a way to pass time.  It can be beautiful and the way Betty does illustrates it, in particular with her quick drawings and small water colors, it is even very nice; a keepsake for future generations.  I asked her why she does it.  Things like this are very personal, you hope your children read it, and maybe you hope to ever get it published.  I think a lot of people I know are closet authors that hope to write their book and this is one overt way.  Some do however.  Journals from Thoreau, Leopold, McPhee, Hoagland, Ehrlich among others have had a huge influence on me, or the book that resulted from their (nature) journals.  This and some of the blogs I read are journals entries in their own way.  Somehow and for some reason I put them out there for the world to read.  My lame excuse is education and information.

Nature journals reflect your personal relationships with nature, I learned today.  It also chronicles changes over millenia and can document global warming.  So yes, I had a wonderful time, and I even learned how to tie die my journal (or paper) with shaving cream and food coloring!

I do write a lot about nature.  I think half my entries relate to it in one way or another.  It's precious and we need to protect it.  Betty taught us that by journaling, writing about it or drawing it, you observe it more closely and you become one with it:

I have learned that what I have not drawn, 

I have never really seen.

(F. Franck, arts and author of Zen of Seeing: Seeing/Drawing as Meditation)

I think the same hold true when you really describe it and write about it.  But one thing is for sure, get out there and enjoy nature!

New year's resolution in Norfolk(1/3/2016)

Happy New Year everyone!

This year I personally resolve  to be more culturally open; to get a life, to get out more, and to have fun!   I know that I often take myself too serious and get easily upset by what I perceive to be criticism.  I think I've gotten better over the years but as Mark Mason describes in a blog post, it is like trying to stop the Titanic and avoid the damn iceberg, it is so imprinted in you by your past and difficult to change.

Yes, we need to have more fun in life.  Like this little guy, he seems to have a load of fun riding his horn made by a Central American Indian tribe, a long time ago,  It survived all the centuries and he still has that mischievous grin on his face!  But then it helps when you are cast in clay.  I wonder what he has seen all that time.  It's kind of a pity that he is locked up in a museum case, his journey appears to be over, but he's still grinning.

We visited the Chrysler Museum of Art in Norfolk on Sunday where he was locked up and that made me realize what I've missed for a while now.

The entrance to the Chrysler Museum

I can almost not remember when the last time was that I visited a museum.  The Chrysler is a great place to start if you want to see a good museum for the first time or for the first time in a long time.  It has a little bit of everything.  From ancient Greek and Egyptian artifacts to a Picasso and more modern paintings.  It also has one of the best glass art collections in the world.  On top of that it's free!

Looking at the Picasso through the doorway 

This is actually a glass sculpture.
There is so darn much symbolism here!

I really believe art enriches our lives, whether you make it, perform it, watch it, or just look at it.  Don't forget, in it's purest form art is the most perfect expression of the artist's free will.  Nobody tells the artist what to paint, what to compose or what to make (may be not some of the commercial stuff).  At least four of the five photographs show pieces of art that to me appear to be the artist's ultimate expression of free will.  Art is even an expression of our own free will as the public, we can interpret art the way we want to, regardless of what the little piece of paper next to the art work says about it.  What a novel concept!

To me art is like listening to a good concert (which is art) or sailing (sometimes an art too): you can only be in the moment when looking at art and you cannot think of anything else; all the troubles and worries are forgotten at that moment.

This year, resolve to visit more museums, to broaden your horizon and to talk to people who think differently than you.  There is plenty of superficial interactions between people but when was the last time you had a deep intelligent discussion with someone else?  You actually might learn something. Life is becoming too much like the brothers in the movie Nebraska while watching the football game.

I will do the same.  One thing I realized this weekend was that I really need more culture, arts, philosophy, or just fun intelligent interaction between intelligent human beings.  That is the way I want to grow!  Maybe less self improvement books and more philosophy books and deep thinking.  As a nomad who travels and often lives in motel rooms I will have some alone time to think as well, I will use that time wisely, I will read, write, hopefully find interesting people to talk to, but like in the past I will also still hike and enjoy nature.

 

Reflection (9/4/2015)

Amazing, this blog was started as a photo blog.  I posted a nice picture from my sailboat on June 25, 2013, with just an amazingly simple one sentence statement, that had less depth than something a 6^th grader would write.  I used to be an avid photographer and this was my way of trying to get back to my hobby.  Moreover, since I would be traveling to a different part of the state of Virginia to teach every week, I felt it was a great opportunity to share some pictures of the often beautiful sights or at least my views of the State.  Finally, it also was a way for me to let off some steam.  That day was the first day of a forced move where I and my program moved from one State agency to another State agency and that caused a lot of anxiety to the group of people who were forced to move to the other agency.  We did not feel welcome at all, there were definitive signs that we were not, and we did not know what would happen.  Comparing notes among colleagues now, the anxiety has gone away and we feel accepted and fine where we are.  Now just a raise and everything will be fine!

From left to right these are the three locations I have successively worked at in Richmond over the past six years (left DCR, DEQ to the right and what I would call the half way house in the middle) .  I have not been job (employer) hopping, just forced building hopping and agency shifting.

In fact, I really did started this blog for me.  I announced my blog to no one; not even my family.  I did not want my ego or anything else to get in the way of expressing myself and doing what I did.  I had no ambition with this blog.  Little did I know this darn blog would grow up to be like this.  When I post this entry, it will be my 254^th.

Looking back through some of the posts I put up, there definitively is a trend.  I have become more verbose; I have become bolder; more outspoken; become a bit more of the teacher that I am in real life; maybe too self-indulgent; and taking myself a bit too serious?  Yes, I have always tried to include an outside link or two (too much Wikipedia maybe) since I do not want to claim to be a “know it all”, but as I mentioned in this blog post, there is a lot of stuff stored in that big head of mine.

Did I mention my big head?  This picture was taken last year during a nature walk in the Roanoke area last fall (2014) after a fun day of lecturing in a nature retreat.

So why write about this now?  There is no anniversary of this blog or of the move to DEQ.  Well, this past Thursday morning I read an article in the newspaper about a Dutchman with the name Jaap Haartsen.  Mr. Haartsen is the inventor of the Bluetooth.  He invented it while working for Ericsson in Sweden.  It seems that he only works (worked) 40 hours per week, turns his phone off at 6 pm and does not check emails in the evenings and on weekends.  Moreover he goes hiking on weekends.  It claims that his way of recharging and reconnecting with real life is what he needs to be inventive and creative.  This is very different from what we see here in the U.S.  When I came in the office this morning, the first thing my supervisor said was "have a productive day" (and he says that almost every day), that is what our U.S. culture seems to be increasingly based on, productivity, not creativity.  It would be so much nicer if he would wish me "a creative day", because that is what course design should be, especially when your do it from scratch.  I think Google is still doing it right, giving people an hour or so do do something different, but the Amazons and other groups, it seems like they are just emphasizing putting in hours and mouse clicks.

So the story about Jaap Haartsen made me think about this YouTube clip that I saw recently on Nature RX; it is a spoof on the need to reconnect with nature,  I have written a lot about it in my blogs and borrowed the phrase "nature deficit disorder."  Looking at the labels, I have used the term in at least 20 blogs of the 253 that I have written up to now.  I used Nature 79 times as a label on posts.  I do think it is so darn important to reconnect with nature, with ocean, with water, you name it; just the natural world.  I find it disarming, calming.  As the naturalist John Burroughs wrote:

"I go to nature to be soothed and healed, and to have my senses put in order"

No, I will not invent the next Bluetooth, but it brings down the blood pressure; it is where I formulate a lot of my ideas for my classes, my blog and just life.

We went for a sundown/moon rise kayak trip last Saturday which culminated with a picnic dinner on a narrow sandy peninsula in the bay.  It was very private and the views were spectacular.  This is what I call taking care of your "Nature Deficit Disorder", while even getting some exercise. 

On trainers and teaching, Part III (7/30/2015)

The latest issues of ErosionControl Magazine featured an interview that Carol Brzozowski did with me a year and a half or so ago.  I really had forgotten about it and about a half year ago, I figured that the interview had flopped, and it was all just hype and would never get published.  I added a copy of the article below (you will need to click on the article to get a larger version which might be easier to read).  I’m pretty thrilled by it; the only thing I would have liked to see is that it listed my current employee (the Department of Environmental Quality or DEQ).  I am having a lot of fun here, and moreover, I have a set of great colleagues and co-instructors here that really do not get mentioned in the article.  In a way it is a bit of a shame I did not get to see the article before it got published otherwise I would have asked to add those things.  Oh well.  You always hear that from people who get interviewed.

Anyway it is a nice closure to a fairly stressful few months with a lot of work, travel, some health issues, and even some mechanical issues at home like the kitchen sink and a lawn mower breaking.  Hopefully, that light at the end of the tunnel isn't a train barreling towards me.

Regular readers of my blog, my students and my friends know I have a passion for the environment, teaching, fairness, and social justice.  I am really hoping that this article did some justice (pardon the pun) to some of these beliefs and that I will be able to continue to do this work for a long time.  I have a wealth of life experience to share with people, and I really feel it would be a waste if I don't.  In the end I hope to leave one very small corner of this world a little better than I found it, or maybe better, when it found me.  Wouldn't that be nice!

Shawsville (7/24/2014)

Taught two courses at different sides of the state this week.  Kind of like a traveling salesman.   I drove to Fairfax on Tuesday evening after having an MRI of my head (boy that was a different experience).  The MRI itself was absolutely not as bad as everybody had warned me about.  But then, I am convinced that all my yoga practice helped with it.  Shavasana really helped.

Then it was down to Wytheville after a full day of teaching in Fairfax.  I left around 4 pm on Wednesday and got in around 9 that evening.  After teaching again on Thursday I stayed overnight to recuperate and took it easier going back on Friday.   By taking it easier I mean not going 8 or 10 miles an hour over the speed limit, trying to make some time, kind of in the frame of mind of "hurry up to relax."  This probably is a contradiction, and I am not sure if it works anyway; you area kind of wired after a five hour rat race on the interstate at 80 mph.  So on the way back I made sure that I consistently only exceeded the speed limit by 4 miles per hour (if that) and I actually got off the highway for a while.

So I got of the interstate in Christiansburg and actually rode highway 11 down the mountain.  Highway 11 is a nice twisty (down the) mountain road that is actually really quiet with some nice vistas.  I am sure it does not put many extra miles on the vehicle but it is away from the rat race of the interstate.  I took the picture below in Shawsville. No idea what I took a picture of, but is was a pretty farm building.  Wikipedia does not tell me much about Shawsville either; although I am sure it has a rich history, in addition to being wiped out by the Shawnee Indians in 1756.

Eventually I got back on the highway and joined the rat race back to Richmond.

One of the things I taught my students Thursday was "to think outside the box," while understanding that most of the time they will need to enforce the law and regulations.  Yes, there may still be times that they can, may and even should improvise, even though they are restrained by those darn laws and regulations.

Think outside the darn box!

Well that's what Friday felt like.  I think it felt like that for everyone; for me, kind of obeying the speed limit and getting of the main road and driving the back roads, at least for a little bit.  For other it seemed that they were all living in the left lane on Friday.  It was amazing here I was driving 70 (which was the speed limit) and I was passing people in the right lane.  I even had people moving over to the right to let me pass and then more back to the left lane.  It was so bad that I adapted the Beatles tune Yellow Submarine into "We all live in the left lane."  Guess even they were thinking outside the box, but I'm not sure if that was the right thing to do.  We learn in traffic school that most fatalities happen in the left lane (but that would be thinking inside the box).  Oh well.

Getting back to Richmond, even a transformer thought outside the box.  It seemed that it exploded underground, just outside our offices.  All traffic lights were out and our building only had emergency lights and was evacuated.  Dropped the car off and continued my road trip home.  A busy week indeed.

York Spit Lighthouse (5/16/2015)

There are a couple of things in life that are really my passion.   They include sailing, photography and teaching; although I have not biked much lately, I would almost want to count that as well as one of my passions in life.   I think what they have in common is that they make me live in the moment.   Doing these things I get in a zone and cannot think of much else.  You just need to concentrate on it, and do the best job at it; stay on course with a goal in mind: get (back) to the harbor; maybe where you started from, or maybe to your next goal (harbor).  Your mind is not allowed to wander much when you do these things; in particular in a boat with a tiller. I notice that I invariably go off course during those few times that I look at my GPS; it is amazing what that brief lack of concentration will do.  Just scanning the water, the horizon or just talking with the crew does not result in drastic course changes, but looking at a screen and concentrating on something else will do that.  Crazy maybe, but when driving a car my mind is often busy with something else, or as Dr. Amit Sood says in his "Mayo Clinic Guide to Stress-Free Living", working on my open files.  During sailing or teaching my file cabinet is closed shut.  Living in the moment is so important!

In the moment (photo taken by the admiral Donna Briedé)

It was a wonderful day of sailing on Saturday.  Winds were 10 to 15 knots out of the Southwest; just perfect to achieve one of my goals: sail out to York Spit light and back.  From the opening of our creek the course was set to 90 degrees (due east) and after about two hours of sailing in the open water of the Bay we approached the spit.  Near the spit, the waves were between one and two feet in height with a great frequency in between that made it a great rolling ride.

Word has it that York Spit used to be an octagonal light house, but ot was abandoned by the coast guard and dynamited.  Below is a picture I stole from Wikipedia:

Now it is just some remnants of the steel base, a light and a few radar reflectors that guard the opening of the channel into the York River.  It is a pity that they could find someone to take care of this historic lighthouse and that they felt the need to destroy it.

Remnants of York Spit Light

After rounding the spit we held the course as close to 270 as we could and zoomed back to the creek we came out of.  We had to lay in one small tack to make it.  The admiral was on the tiller and I had some time to experiment taking photos.  So much for being in the zone (maybe in a different zone).  We had some great encounters with dolphins on the way; it was an absolute great sail.  Very unlike most of the sails that sailors tell you about; they tell you mostly about all those bad experiences they had.

It was an absolutely great Saturday without many worries, except staying in the zone.  One of the worst ways of going off course is by looking back; come to think of it, that is a crazy metaphor for life isn't it?

Chesapeake Bay (8/2/2014)

 Despite all the calls for rain and nasty weather, the Admiral’s Regatta was pulled off without many problems.  The regatta consisted of a sail boat race that I participated with as a crew member of one of the five boats that raced Saturday.  Saturday was nice.  It was overcast but there was no rain, at least until we finished.  We came in second, and the race was shortened somewhat.  However, looking at what weather came in, the boats behind us did get rained on.

This was very unlike what happened last year when we were hit by this tremendous thunder storm and we were almost knocked down by a gust of 60+ mile per hour.  Knock down means the tip of the mast hit the water, and that did not happen, but my wife who was down below reported that the ports (windows) were under water.  I guess you have to experience this once, in order to appreciate the nice windless days.

I have noticed that me recounting this incident of last year is something all sailors do.  Whenever we get together we never talk about the great sail we had or the windless day we had on the water.  We always talk about the near misses, the horrible weather, you name it.  It almost feels like we always want to have experienced worst conditions on the water then the person you talk with:  “Let me tell you about that one time when …“, and you can fill in the blanks.  It is so bad that a sail magazine that I subscribe to has a monthly disaster section where someone tells about a major accident or difficulty and how they lived to tell about it.  These sections also have a “lessons learned” part to it.

This is very much like what we were told in church yesterday by our minister.  How when greeting someone you tell them “I’m fine, but my big toe hurts,” they will always try to better you and say something like “I’m sorry to hear that, but let me tell you about that time that my whole foot hurt.”  During the past month I’ve actually thought a lot about this and have been telling people that “this is the best day of my life,” which usually gets me a blank stare, but I really believe in living in the moment.

Anyway this photo was taken at the beginning of the race.  The boat in front of us is ready to unfurl it jib (or head sail)

 

 

Stress free in Northern Virginia (5/27/2014)

This week I am in northern Virginia or what they call NOVA.  The trip up north was interesting as always.  The roads were crowded, and of course there was an accident on I-95.  So here I was sitting in a backup thinking about the radio show I heard this morning.  In an interview with Dr. Amit Sood about living without stress he spoke about being in a traffic jam and thinking of people you are thankful of, for being in your life.  I really think that would help a lot; why even bother yourself with people who are potentially toxic to you?  At work you already have to deal with people you cannot choose, so in your private life, concentrate on those people who contribute to your well being; be thankful for them and concentrate on what it is about them that makes you happy.  Quit obsessing about those people that bother you.  Life is too short! 

Well, in the traffic jam I was able to take this (horrible) picture by sticking my phone out of the window and shoot this image of the traffic jam, so symbolic of all the crap and toxicity that can jam up a person's mind.  To me this was particularly important, after a weekend of murders, such as the guy in Santa Barbara, California who had his mind poisoned by his inability to attract women.  As a father of a daughter and a husband I am very disturbed about the increased violence against women, but also of any other hate crime.