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Introduction to the topic:
I was asked today to be part of the team that discusses the subject of “Care of the Soul” or simply put: Self-care. Now I am not a therapist, and as many of you all know from two months ago, I am a trainer. One thing I learned from being a trainer is that to be the best you can be, you need to be clear and not speak over people’s head, you do not only need book knowledge, but also life skills, experience. In addition, you need to be full of passion for your subject, compassionate and not condescending. How can I do that every time and how do I get ready and prepare to teach week in week out? Some of us call it Groundhog Day. Well, I get to the room a half hour early to set up. I sometimes talk with a few of my students that wander in, but mostly I just need to be there, absorb where I am, take it all in, relax and go through that ritual of setting up and getting ready. I center myself.
In the same realm, our UU principles tell us that we have to show compassion in our relationship with others and help our fellow human beings. Boy that can be difficult at times, don’t you all agree? Here too, it will be a heck of a lot easier if we would be able to center ourselves and take care of ourselves first before we set out to help our fellow human beings, the environment and all other things we are passionate about.
Today we will be talking about that. How by helping ourselves be centered, or in other words, by helping ourselves first, we can help others more effectively and potentially make the world a better place.
Homily (or Sermon):
This talk today will be very autobiographically, so hold on to your horses.
As I mentioned in the introduction selfcare is very important to us all.
My wife Donna and I take our dogs Jasper and Radar out for walks at least three times per day. Jasper sometimes acts like he needs some selfcare and does not need a walk, but as soon as we open the door and are ready to leave with Radar he is at the door to tell us: Hey aren’t you forgetting somebody?
We both have a Fitbit and for the past seven years or so we have been in a friendly competition on how many steps we can get per day. It is hardly ever less than 10,000 steps. We tell each other that exercise is good for us, even if our ankles, knees and hips are hurting that day. We claim that it is good for our body and our soul. We have to make those 10,000 steps, darn it.
The story that Patricia just told us shows that while walking may be a great tradition, it may not be taking care of yourself, or helping yourself. Noodles the dog in our story decided he needed a break and wanted a rest, a no-bones snack day. He just wanted to laze around and together with Johnathan his owner they had a peaceful, meditative day at home where they were able to snack and get mentally charged for the next adventures on the road. They just needed to center and by doing so they helped each other.
In the introduction this morning I told you a little bit about myself and how I prepare for my classes. I teach 2 classes 1 to 2 weeks a month at different locations throughout the state. Yes, I had a colleague who called it Groundhog Day, since it we only have 7 or so classes in our portfolio. It would be so easy to start droning and make it boring for the students. But that isn’t helping my students who are required to take those classes. I ask my students to tell me when I start getting boring, because at that point I plan to retire. This is the reason why I have my centering or selfcare ritual at the start of each class. I don’t rehearse my classes, to me that makes it boring, but that mental preparation is important. Donna knows it, there are many times when I come home or call home and tell her: Wow that was a great class, we had some great discussions. In essence it was great for my and hopefully for their soul as well.
Looking through the literature what are some of selfcare category we need to consider? Some psychologists suggest there are five:
1. Physical
2. Emotional
3. Psychological
4. Spiritual
5. Professional
Take these for what they are worth, I really don’t want to go into horrible bosses and obnoxious co-workers. I still have trouble dealing with those at times. The best thing to do there in my eyes is take a that no-bones 15 minutes, remove yourself from what aggravates you and center yourself. I do that by going for a brief walk.
This ties into taking care of our physical self doesn’t it. Yes, we all should take care as much as possible of our physical self. Some can do more, some less. That’s OK. For myself I know that very strenuous exercise gets the endorphins flowing, which gives me that runners high and makes me feel good; although I might have felt like crap when I was exercising.
But what can I or we do for our soul?
Personally, we have had a rough but fun July. Arthur, my father-in-law needed to be moved from independent living to assisted living. Although stressful, that would have been ok by itself, were it not that our daughter was getting married the weekend after. So, we had a very intense couple of weeks. How did we take care of ourselves, how did we center, take care of our souls?
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| Walking to the front to give my daughter away on her happy day. We had a wonderful few days and are so happy for the married couple. |
We exercise or walk, we have our hobbies, and we have our community, our friends. In other words, we take care of our physical needs, our emotional, spiritual, and psychological selves. Let me explain.
You might have missed us in church. All these activities took place on the weekends, and we were crazy busy, so the UUFP was out. We had our daily walks, one of which is usually around 10 in the evening (a great time to debrief).
Donna has her knitting. As I understand it knitting, depending on the pattern, involves counting and sometimes intricate maneuvers tantamount to meditation. You have to pay attention. During easy projects she listens to knitting podcasts or watches knitting YouTube videos. We obviously do not watch TV. There was a period where Donna was not able to knit and after three days, she was antsy and told me she missed it.
If you have been to a previous talk or sermon by me, you know I am a huge fan of forest bathing. No, that is nothing indecent, but it is just lingering in the woods without a place to go. It is almost the same as meditative walking in the woods, taking in the views, smells, and sounds. Nothing better than forest bathing to recharge the soul.
I also grow bonsai, the other day I counted my trees and I have somewhere around 105 or so trees in various stages of training. I have had some for close to 35 years.
Working on my trees, from watering, fertilizing, the clipping branches, repotting, analyzing them, just talking to them and just being with them is pure meditative to me. In the evenings I watch bonsai YouTubes. Those videos were how I could and can escape at night, center and heal from a day’s work and stress. As Joanne once told me, you have given some of them 33 years of care and they are taking care of you, your soul, every time you are among them.
Other things we do as couple include biking and being on the water like kayaking. At least for us, the minute we are out there, we cannot think of what is going on in the world, our jobs, or in our lives, we can only just enjoy where we are and be in the moment.
Being in the moment is what centering is all about. Being in the moment takes care of yourself, your soul and forgetting about the things around you. Of course, without getting into physical harm. A lot of people use meditation or yoga to be in the moment; when I go to a concert I am in the moment.
Now based on what I told you here this morning we prepared a number of wondering questions for you. Questions to meditate over for a little while. I will ask them and give you a minute or two to meditate over them, to be in the moment with. You do not publicly need to answer them, but if you have the desperate need to tell them in public, I will allow you to do so.
After that we will sing a hymn and then Tara J. will lead us in a short session of chair yoga where she will help us to center ourselves and be in the moment.
I will preface the questions with a short anecdote about myself.
Question 1:
I have already told you some of my practices from Forest Bathing to working on my bonsai:
- Think about what spiritual practices you've found helpful in your own life.
Don’t tell him this, but ever since we moved my father-in-law to assisted-living, he is receiving more care from the facility. I have heard Donna tell him NO over the phone a few times now. Like NO the nurses or help are right there, ask them to help you. I know that in the past I have had a lot of trouble saying no to requests but in my old age it is getting easier.
- I wonder how we can find the balance between saying "yes" and saying "no".
This is what my whole talk has been about so without further ado:
- I wonder how you take care of your own needs so that you can then help other people with their needs.
Question 4:
This and the next question go hand-in-hand so hold on I will ask them both at the same time:
- I wonder how we can best serve others.
- I wonder what else we can do to center the people we want to help.
- I wonder what other care my soul needs; do you know what care your soul needs?
I realize that what I told you today was somewhat auto biographical, and as I mentioned, in no way am I an expert in centering myself or even being a balanced person. But boy do I try. Over my life I think I have gotten better at it, mellowed somewhat. But you better ask my wife privately if that is really true.
My philosophy of life is that as a human being we should try to help to make everybody’s life a little better than it was before, regardless of who they are. Very much like what is reflected in our first, second, third, fifth and sixth principles. We can only do that by being at peace with ourselves, and we can only be in peace with ourselves by centering ourselves and taking care of our own soul first.
Blessed be.
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