Life goes on (2/28/2023)

Well, life goes on. I have resumed my somewhat regular activities, including walking the dogs in the morning, feeding them and going upstairs and getting behind the computer to work. The main difference is the nice monitor I commandeered from my late father-in-law’s desk. It is much better than the old flat screen TV that I was using as monitor. Oh well, a small piece of my inheritance.

This past week was the first time I was teaching again, and it felt good after a three-week hiatus. I had a few issues, on the second day my computer microphone seemed to lock up with the external webcam. This really highlighted the need for a backup when you webcast.

The weather has been extremely strange; weekends are outright chilly while it has been balmy during the week. It got to 80 degrees this week. The temperatures in my greenhouse got up to 102 at one point with the door and window wide open. My bonsai trees are leafing out which is distressing to me. I need to repot and I do not have enough pots, soil, or time. Moreover, folks in the neighborhood are donating trees to me. I had put the word out that I grow bonsai and if they had either potted plants they did not want or shrubs or small trees they were digging up, I would love to take possession of them and torture them. These past two weeks I received seven plants that required urgent root work, potting and pruning. This to the determent of my own trees.

This is all on top of a room full of furniture and other stuff from my father-in-law’s apartment that we had to vacate. We now need to decide what we want to keep, exchange for the old crap we have (my father-in-law had impeccable taste) and what we want to donate where. Let’s not talk about the fact that my travel starts up again. Let the excitement begin!

Four weeks in it still feels strange having lost a close member of the family. However, life goes on. The strangest things include life events that you cannot share, or simply going to the grocery store and not having to buy those items you used to have to buy for him. It is an anxious time in a way for my wife, the will, his worldly goods, his taxes, and trying to morn. On top of that we need to make arrangements for a memorial service, our retirement and apply for pensions and social security. We live in stressful times. But this too shall pass we hope.

I can find solace in nature, walking with my dogs, and working on my trees. That keeps me going. Life is stressful right now, somewhat insane at times, but what is the alternative? It goes on whether we like it or not!

Walking in the woods help me regain or maintain my sanity in these interesting times.

Death comes easy. (2/17/2023)

Boy, it has been almost more than a month since I posted something here on my blog. In my eyes I have a valid excuse for it, but then, don’t we all have that when we procrastinate? But I really do! In the intermediate time, my wife got COVID, and my 95-year-old father-in-law had an accident and passed away, died, kicked the proverbial bucket! Since my wife had COVID during the onset of the whole affair, I all the sudden was trusted into the middle of it all as the main care giver, which left me little time to attend to this blog.

OK, if this hasn’t left some of you gasping for air, let’s dive into the details and a little of my feelings. I’ll try not to make this a tearjerker or terribly sentimental, I promise, I just want to share some of my observations and feelings. I still feel that I have been burning the candle at both ends and somehow got through it without COVID. My wife and I received our booster around the same time. Moreover, we did not isolate after she felt sick and tested positive. My only explanation is that I was running on adrenaline and that this somehow protected me.

She came down with it on a Monday evening. I had to teach an online class on Tuesday and Wednesday mornings. In addition to this I had to take care of a sick wife. My father-in-law was anxious that his daughter had COVID and although we tried to convince him it was not that bad; however, we could not visit him in the fear of infecting him. My wife had actually visited him the afternoon before she got sick. As a result, he had been isolated by his assisted living place as well in the fear that he was infected as well. He survived COVID earlier in 2022 so we hoped he still had enough antibodies. In addition, he had gotten a booster in November.

Things looked up on Thursday, but then Friday morning we got the word he was in the emergency room. He had fallen twice the night before. The wife was still in isolation, and it fell on me to find out what was going on. He was admitted to the hospital later that afternoon, which meant numerous hospital trips for me the next couple of days. On Tuesday they finally transported him to a rehabilitation unit 5 minutes from our home, which made it a bit easier on me. That Thursday my wife came out of isolation and was finally able to visit her father. He passed away the next Tuesday night (or maybe early Wednesday morning) around midnight. When he was in the hospital the doctor kept telling us he was 95 (almost 96) and that he was near death. Eventually it came out that he could no longer swallow and that he had two to three weeks to live. I am just happy that my wife, her brother, and our daughter got to see him while he was still alive in the rehabilitation/hospice unit.

All together, these were a rough combined two weeks. But as you can guess it is not over. Then comes cremation, memorial arrangements, lawyers, emptying apartments, you name it. It reminded me of 19 years ago when my mother died. I felt that I never had time to grieve until I got on the airplane to fly home. She died in the Netherlands, and I was there and watched her die. It was a sudden death; however, almost immediately I had to deal with a hysterical sister, the next day pick up my brother at the airport, make funeral arrangements, keep my brother and sister from killing each other, have a service, pack all her belongings, put her condo on the market and arrange the inheritance. Do this all, in one week. Having had no time to really grieve, I burst out in tears when the plane took off and cried or was hurting all the way home across the ocean, finally. As a result, I became alienated from both my sister and brother.

Death is interesting. You die and then it is over. When my father-in-law entered the rehab/hospice unit the doctor explained what was about to happen to him. The doctor told us that when he was about at the end of his story my father-in-law interrupted him and said, “and then I die.” He was an engineer and did not believe in anything after death. Neither do I, nor does my wife. It is wishful thinking that there is anything after death. Both my wife consider heaven here on earth and want to make it so.

My father believed in a strange form of reincarnation. Something like your spirit or soul returns to a great lake or a reservoir from which a minute amount comes to enter a new human (baby) to grow and develop. Once this conscious has grown and is fully developed and the host (person) dies it returns to the reservoir thus enriching the grand total making the overall grand mind richer in the log-term. It’s an interesting thought.

One final thought. Raquel Welch died this week at 82. Tim McCarver at 81. Whenever, I see those numbers I think “damn, 12 more years for me.” Thinking about it that way, it is not much fun. But then I could have a heart attack tomorrow. Mortality is not a prominent part of my thinking, but I am more aware of it now since I am getting older and closer to retirement <read here>. This afternoon, I saw two young chicks (sorry that sounds sexist, I know) smiling, walking their dogs. I could not help wondering if they are aware of their mortality and live in the moment. More and more, I am starting to appreciate everything I experience, life and nature around me. I hope you do too. Life is short and very precious.

I rarely post a picture of myself, but this is the most recent one of me with my father-in-law.  It was taken about three weeks before he died.  We had dinner at a Mexican restaurant.  You can see the edge of his margarita glass on the left side of the picture.  He enjoyed those.  On his death bed, while having hallucinations he kept hinting at drinking a beer or wanting to have a beer.  We should have smuggled one in!

Winter, love it or hate it (1/20/2023)

Having been born and grown up in the tropic I never particularly like cold, cloudy, dreary weather. As a novelty it is fine: a “snowstorm”, a few inches of snow, a day below freezing and a night around 10 degrees Fahrenheit (-12 degrees C). But to me it gets old very quickly, I like it above 80. Strangely enough, winters in Gallup, NM were tolerable. There nights might dip to 15 below zero Fahrenheit or negative 26 C, while during the day it would still go up to 40 degrees (4.4 C). The advantage of living in the high desert of New Mexico (7000 feet or about 2100 meters above sea level) is that it was sunny almost every day and that compensated for a lot of the temperature swings we experienced.

So, was this feeling of dread in the winter caused by seasonal affected disorder (SAD) and the lack of sunshine, or my hatred of the cold winter season? I really don’t know, maybe both. I know one thing, ever since COVID I have been working at home and my home office has a lot of my tropical bonsais and plants around. Yes, my greenhouse is too small to house them all. I run several grow lights on timers to allow these plants to survive, and I am constantly radiated by these lights when working here in my home office. I know that my mood has been much better in winter since COVID and maybe it is all these grow lights, who knows? Maybe it is all the oxygen I am bathing in released by those plants in my home office, or the walks with the dogs in the woods behind our home I have every morning. Or all the above?

Believe it or not, this was not what I wanted to write about when I started this morning. But if you know me, a mind is a terrible thing to waste, and my fingers tend to go where no fingers have gone before, on this keyboard at least; this is what came out up to now.

Back to the subject “du jour,” or subject of intention. What I do like of winter is my ability to see the branch profile of trees. As a dilettante in bonsai, I have this perverse interest in the profile of trees, and the best time to examine this is in winter. You can clearly see the branch patterns, the ramification of the branches, basically how the canopies of the trees are constructed. I can learn how to duplicate that in my trees. Study how oaks do it versus maples, even versus pines. You can see oddities that you might want to try to copy on your benches. More and more growers aim to mimic the natural growth habit of their miniature trees to what the mature counterparts look like in nature. In the past they wanted to make something strange, now it is more “does it represent what you see in the natural environment?” I love it.

I find that there is always something different and new to see in winter. In the summer many of the trees and canopies are obscured by leaves (you must be my age to notice all my hidden rock music and other non-original references/plagiarisms today). It is important to be able to see things in real life and on the trees on my benches. This winter I have been studying both and slowly pruning the trees on the benches. I might actually start thinking about repotting some of my trees, if it was not going to rain this Sunday. I need to get a jump on the season, this year I have a lot that need work done. There is of course a risk of some heavy frost until the end of February; however, if I keep track of the ones I repotted, I could move them into the greenhouse or the garage for a night or two if it gets too cold.

Concluding, while I miss the tropics and used to loath the winters for it’s cold, damp, dismal, dark and dreary days or even stretch of days, I am starting to appreciate them for what the bring when I am out and about. I also like it because it allows me to see the profile and structure of my trees unencumbered by leaves and it forces me to prepare for repotting season.

I just enjoy looking up to see how the branch structure is in trees because that is what we try to mimic in our bonsai.  This simply profile is just nice to look at.

This is a closeup of the picture above.  Somehow two trees grew together and formed this bizarre looking tree that almost looks like a man with two legs.  During the summer there is a hedge here and this was the first time I discovered it. 

New Year's Resolutions (1/13/2023)

It is already halfway into the first month of the New Year, and I am wondering how many of you have failed your resolutions already. I have decided that I don’t like to participate in this fad. Why the hell do I have to clean the (my) slate only once a year and resolve to do better? Maybe I should do this every morning when I wake up or Monday morning at the beginning of the work week? How about the first of the month?

Sorry, here I am pontificating that I am perfect and don’t need to better myself. Far from it. This chubby, or at least slightly overweight guy (actually, my BMI chart tells me that I am borderline obese), who, I gladly admit has numerous flaws? However, this is not a confession booth, sorry! Moreover, I am not Catholic.

I just hate all these people with good intentions that obviously will fall by the wayside. Sorry folks! I was a member of the YMCA, when I lived in Cincinnati in the 90s. I used to go to the gym at least once a week on Saturdays. When I was not traveling for work, I would go at least one additional evening during the week. After we moved to the Tidewater, I worked out briefly at the Jewish Community Center in Virginia Beach, which was next door to my office at the time. Later, in Williamsburg we went to Ironbound Gym in Newtown (Williamsburg). I never was fanatic, but I did enjoy the rowing machines and the weight machines. The past seven or so years before COVID we did yoga every Monday evening at our community center. Did I lose any weight? I don’t think so, but I do think my body looked a bit better proportioned. It just definitely made me feel good and science tells me it might allow me to live a better longer life.

Why am I telling you all this? Well, regardless of what activity I participated in, every January there was an influx of folks with good intentions. There were lines at the weight machines, at the rowing machines, and you had to come early to get a good spot in yoga so this guy, who is hard of hearing, could hear the instructor. Thank goodness after about four weeks the crowds were gone, and things returned to normal for the rest of the year; the resolutions were forgotten. People were disillusioned. I really think that if you try to change a habit once a year it will be difficult to make it stick!

Science tells us that in order to make something a habit you need to do it at least 4 to 6 weeks or so in a row. I googled “Making Habits Stick” and got recipes to do it in 3, 5 or 18 steps. For example, Nike gave me the following three steps: habit stacking (or connect it to an already existing habit you have); make incremental changes (start slow); and turn inwards (figure out why you want to do it, or what is your motivation). Nike also tells me not to be disappointed if you miss a day, or two, or three. Get back on that proverbial horse. I looked at others from CNN, Forbes, and a guy from lifehacks. I agree with some of their prescriptions and hate others. They just get too complicated or just plain dumb. Lifehack is stupid in my eyes 18 point, now keep track of that, it would need to become a brand-new habit.

I particularly like Nike’s step two. I think all these New Year’s resolutions make you take the “big leap” and I think that is what sets a lot of people up for failure. Let’s go all in on the New Year! Nope. That is not the right way to approach it and that is one reason why I hate them; even the dry (no alcohol) January (or whatever they call it). I admit it, I love a good microbrew or a glass of good wine.

OK friends, while I am not discouraging resolutions, now you know why I don’t make any. Yes, I have already made an appointment with and gone to my dermatologist for my first annual skin test after COVID. I missed two years, and I am glad to report that all is well. As you see, I keep working on myself and hope you all do as well.

Happy 2023.

One thing I'll keep doing in the new year is walking and enjoying nature.

It’s cold outside, bonsais in the frost (12/27/2022)

I am sure that almost everyone knows by now that we have been in for some amazing weather here in the eastern two thirds of north America. We were hit by the polar vortex and what is called a bombogenesis. It was something that was predicted some time ago, I even wrote about it in a post a week ago and predicted that I might need to write my final year’s post about it. Well, here I go.

My main concern was how the greenhouse would hold up to winds approaching hurricane force and temperatures around 10 degrees Fahrenheit or around -12 degrees Celsius. I have most of my tropical trees in the greenhouse and as you can see in the photograph included with this post, I have two small heaters installed in the place. One heater of 700 watts comes on based on where I set it; while the other is 1200 and is connected to my thermostat which switches it on at 42.5 degrees (or 5.8 C). I think this is still pretty darn cold for some of my trees, and I hoped it works. Before the weather blew in, we had some freezing nights, and the greenhouse could handle it well, eventually putting the nighttime temperatures around 45 to 50 degrees.

With the cold coming in, I was nervous, and I also needed to connect our birth bath heater coil to the same outlet. I had planned to wake up every few hours that first night to make sure all went well. We went to bed at around 11 and the temperatures outside had already dropped to 15. The temperature in the greenhouse was a comfortable 55. I felt good. I woke up at 12:30 checked the temperature in the greenhouse with my remote temperature gauge and it read 29 degrees, 3 degrees below freezing. Holy shit! My trees!

I went on the deck naked (we old hippies still sleep in the nude, but boy it was cold 15 degrees being nude on our deck) to push in the ground fault interrupt that did not do it and then I figured out that it must be the breaker. Back inside I found the tripped breaker, reset it and I noticed that a light in the greenhouse came on. This is an indicator light on the extension cord showing it has power.

Now what triggered this? The only explanation I had is the coil that keeps the bird bath water from freezing. It pulls 200 watts and must have been working overtime. I went back to bed without further thinking about it, but after a brief discussion with my wife we decided that I should unplug the thing and dump the water out of the bath to prevent it from cracking.

So, out of bed and downstairs I went. I pulled on my ski parka over my nude body, slipped on some shoes and stumbled outside in the dark and cold to get the job done. Boy, that was cold on the bare legs, buttocks and elsewhere. I described it to a friend, and he wondered about any shrinkage, honestly, I had no time to think about that issue; in addition, it was way too cold for that, so let’s not go there in this post.

Once reset, within minutes the greenhouse was back above 32. I woke up two additional times that night and the temperatures hovered around 45. In the morning the outside temperature was 7.5 degrees or about -13.6 Celsius.

I am not sure if I lost any plants, time will tell. Now a few days later things still look ok, but you never know. One of the YouTube shows I watch mentioned that ficus trees in particular might not like colder temperatures, and I have at least six different ones in the greenhouse. It looks like one of my hibiscus trees is suffering as well, but I think that was from before the polar vortex.

It is now after Christmas and temperatures are supposed to warm up the next week. The day-time temperatures in the greenhouse topped 70 degrees in the sunshine today. I am pretty happy.

I expect that this will be the last post of 2022. So, folks, I hope you all have a great New Year. I am looking forward to the new year as well.

The interior of the greenhouse on December 18.  You can see the two heaters on the tile, pointing in two different directions.  The small cube is the 700 watts heater and the cream one in front is the stronger one.  I had put the tile and cinderblocks in as heat sinks in the hope to moderate the temperature swings.