Before I die and before I’m gone (1/4/2026)

How would I look back at my life, my accomplishments, regrets, failures, things or places I never did? I already have written about an eulogy as I described in part over in this blog post. But is that all? I have written about other things that are going on or have occurred in my life; however, I somehow feel more contemplative during the days with the least daylight in the year. Christmas and the new year are ideal times to reflect. Most of my regular readers know that I am not a guy for New Years resolutions. I discussed that in my recent blog post for my church and in this regular post here.

Do I feel my mortality? Maybe a little, I am getting older and I feel like I am getting slower. My joints hurt, I get mysterious muscle pains, I am looking forward to my mid-day naps, and I have become more cerebral and reflective. I am no longer that interested in the advances in biology but I have changed interests to history. I am still interested in science and I consider myself a naturalist who enjoys being out in nature and I hope to continue chronicling my forays into and opinions of the natural environment.

The truly most enjoyable things I have done in my life involved nature; those events stayed with me over the years. I have been above 14,000 feet three times in my life and those are among my favorites. The top of Mount Elgon (14,177 feet or 4321 meters), Grays Peak (14,276 feet or 4351 meters), and the north slopes of the Annapurna (we estimated to approximately 16,000 feet or 4800 meters). Our visit to Gros Morne National Park was another highlight. Finally, our hike on the Isle of Sky ranks up there as well.

My failures and most troublesome experiences include my job and stay in Uganda. I have had a difficult time holding on to jobs over the years. I am sure it was caused by my sometimes-abrasive behavior and my cynicism and sarcasm. Early on I had a difficult time compromising; but then I hate hypocrisy and that is how I perceived the world (and sometimes I still do). During my job in Nepal, I walked into my supervisor’s office and saw him bent over a chair with his pants down getting screwed in the rear by the assistant supervisor. That surely did not help, both were male and married to women. I lost my job fairly soon after that.

Anything I still want to do, experience or place I still would like to visit? I am 72 years old. How many more years do I have in me; how much longer will I live? Five, ten, fifteen, twenty years? I better hurry up. They call the 80s the slow go years (obviously even slower than right now), and the 90s the no go years. My wife thinks we will be strong and independent for a long time; seventies is the new sixties she keeps reminding me. There are places I would like to return to: Curacao, Newfoundland, Scottland, Uganda, Nepal, Japan, just to name a few. I would love to visit New Zeeland, the Easter Island, Chili, Portugal, Spain, Italy, Finland, the Faro Islands, Iceland, Alaska. Things to do? Take a Rhine cruise, eat in some high-end luxury restaurants, visit the Albuquerque balloon festival, go to the Munich October fest, take a stroll on the beach of Ipanema (I guess that I am still a dirty old man), visit Rome and Florence. I am sure there are a lot more things, but I better keep it realistic.

These are some of my thoughts about going into the new year. Politically, socially, and environmentally, 2026 is going to be an interesting, albeit very stressful year. Put on your seatbelts.

A picture from our hike on the Isle of Sky in 2011

Coyotes and skinny dipping (12/22/2025)

Walking in the woods behind our home is one of the most pleasurable things I (we) do.  As you know, I am a huge fan of what is called “forest bathing.” No, this has nothing to do with getting naked in the woods during a rainstorm or in a river, pond or lake.  Although that does sounds like fun (at least when the weather is warm).  We have done some skinny dipping in the past, but I am not sure I want to embarrass myself anymore with this old body. 

My favorite skinny-dipping memory was the time we did it in the mountains above Logan, Utah.  We had been hiking with our friends; we were hot and happened upon a pool in a creek.  It was so inviting.  The four of us stripped and jumped in.  After sitting in the refreshingly cool water for approximately ten minutes some hikers approached and when they walked by, we recognized the male in the group as the dean of our college at Utah State University.  Both Jeff and I knew him well and the only thing we were able to do was wave and say “hi.”  The next day we were both somewhat on pins and needles, wondering if the dean would say something.  But we never heard from him about the incident.

Enough about that and back to my more recent experience.

We have coyotes in the woods behind our home.  While we already knew that, and saw one a few years ago, our sighting of them has become increasingly frequent.  Wildlife watching has become our sport, ranging from fornicating deer to coyotes.  We have been told there are at least bobcats back there and now we have been told that there was a bear sighting nearby.

Well, don’t go wildlife watching with two dogs on the leash.  The dogs go absolutely ballistic the minute they even sense a wild animal.  While the hound howled and the other barked incessantly at the screwing deer or any other deer they see, but coyotes eat the cake.  They go nuts.  On top of that, the coyotes don’t give a damn.  They just stay where they are and look at you with this attitude of “bring it on.”  I had to walk by them one day while they were approximately 60 feet (20 meters) away from me, with two insane dogs that I hardly was able to control.  The coyotes just stood there and watched me struggling (walk) by with two absolutely bonkers dogs.

By rough estimate we have approximately 17 square miles (11,000 acres) of forest behind our home.  For our metric folks that is around 44 square kilometers (4.400 hectares).  That is large enough for coyotes, bears, and bobcats to hide.

I am still working on an inventory of all the beech trees directly behind our home.  Yesterday, I set out into the woods on my own, at the advice from my wife.  She knows my love for nature and for forest bathing.  My goal was to go to one of my favorite beeches and just sit at its roots, meditate and inhale nature.

It was somewhat quiet out there; however, it was frequently interrupted by the sounds of civilization.  An airplane was landing at the airport nearby and you could hear the incessant noise of traffic on the highway.  Finally, I heard the call of the pileated woodpecker.

It felt good to be out in the woods, although it was difficult to relax and meditate with all the crap going on in the world around us.  Despite all that, I definitely need to do it again.

 

We call the Blondy and Yote

Crazy, just relaxing in clear sight 

At my favorite beech

Reading, politics and Rome (8/12/2025)

I am currently reading three books at the same time:

• Thomas Jefferson: Writings (just 1599 pages including index or 1517 pages of actual writing).
• Anthony J.C. Wallace: Jefferson and the Indians. The tragic faith of the first Americans.
• Edward J. Watts: Mortal Republic. How Rome fell into Tyranny.

These books are connected by a common thread. First of all, it is Clay Jenkinson (from Listening to America). I am reading the first two books in preparation for a workshop that I will be going to in January, which is somewhat similar as last January’s trip that I took, but then on a different subject. The third is currently being discussed in a book club hosted by Clay. Although I do not attend the club, a friend who is, told me that this is the book that the members are reading and discussing. It sounded interesting and I decided to read it independently. As some of you know, of late, I have been reading on Roman stoicism and this felt like a logical follow up book, or so I thought.

Is there another common thread between these books? Jefferson was a student of the Roman civilization and was most likely familiar with Rome’s democratic system before the rise of the emperors. Rome was, in many ways, very democratic and treated its citizens fairly equally (except for slaves). This idea is echoed in the U.S. Constitution, where everyone is considered equal (now stop snickering). The Romans considered themselves civilized and all others were seen as savages. In Jefferson’s time, the white settlers considered themselves civilized, and my understanding is the Indian population was considered savages, while the black slaves were seen as barbarians. The prevailing belief was that savages could be educated, assimilated and civilized, but barbarians were considered a lesser class. There even was a push to relocate freed slaves to Liberia in West Africa. This worldview is troubling, especially considering how we continue to judge people by skin color or gender today. The latest examples of that are the outrage from our president (with a very small p) about folks from Afghanistan and Somalia, and by his derogatory treatment of women, calling them stupid and piggy. This clearly shows that we have not evolved much. In some way, we may be regressing into a stage similar as the one that ended in the turmoil which resulted in Rome’s decline into dictatorship.

The Romans normalized violence with their gladiator fights, desensitizing the public to brutality. Similarly, today’s regime is doing the same thing with boat strikes; the ICE-stapo that is going rampant in some town; and visits to Salvadoran concentration camps. Are these actions meant to immunize us to violence, especially with upcoming elections? It definitively feels like that. It may well be an effort to maintain power by rallying the base and encouraging others to look away. This “immunization campaign” is happening while public health efforts are being undermined and the CDC and JFK jr. are trying to curb access to vaccines. A strange and disturbing world, indeed.

I realize that I am oversimplifying these complex issues. As I am sure you know, I expect to write more about these topics in future posts, especially after my workshop in January.

A photograph from the site of last January's workshop.  I wonder how much snow there will be this time.

Veronica and the fornicating deer (11/18/2025)

On our walk this morning we saw a gorgeous (at least 8 point) buck humping a doe in the woods. This made me think about a wool hat that a friend of ours knitted for me. We always call this hat “The Fornicating Reindeer Hat”.

Ever since we met in April 1994, Veronica was special to us. She was an archaeologist at the company I joined, she was half Dutch and still had a grandmother (oma) in the Netherlands. Her father was a Mennonite from Selinsgrove, Pennsylvania, and her mother was half Indonesian and half Dutch. Her dad was ultra conservative, a chiropractor, alternative medicine doctor and anti-vaxxer. Mom was a traditional housewife and somewhat of a homesteader. Veronica had a lot of fights with her father but often showed the same conservative streaks that he had. She was an amazing fiber artist and an expert spinner, knitter and weaver. Lastly, Veronica was grossly overweight.

She left her profession and moved to Burlington, VT right after we left Cincinnati for the Hampton Roads in Virginia. We did not lose touch, especially early on. We exchanged monthly phone calls, and her job required her to travel all over the place, so she made an effort to visit frequently. Veronica became her mother away from home when our daughter moved to New England. We had fun visiting her one autumn to coincide with the famous New England leaf-peeping season.

Eventually, the phone calls became scarce and when we spoke, she seemed out of it, or even drunk. At times we spoke the day after and she did not remember that she had called us the day before. Veronica lost a couple of jobs, but it was never her fault, and we never clued in that it could be alcohol related. After a hiatus of a half year, she called us and told us that she had used her frequent flyer miles to fly to Rio de Janeiro to attend the Olympics, in particular the rugby games which she loved. Not long thereafter we got a phone call from her mom telling us that Veronica had died.

Veronica was 55 years old when she died, and we learned she had a thyroid issue but like her stubborn father refused to take the regular medicine that could keep it under control. Our daughter went to look for the obituary and googled her name. It was then that we learned that Veronica had a couple Driving Under the Influence (DUI) convictions (for drunk driving) and actually was sentenced to a half year in jail. This was during the time she was supposedly in Rio (the lies alcoholics tell). A combination of thyroid disease and alcohol abuse must have killed her. We suspected alcohol before but never figured it was that bad. We still often kick ourselves that we did not clue in and did not drive up to intervene. We miss her terribly and often talk about her, even some six or seven years after her demise.

Crazy what a couple of screwing deer brings back. While Veronica technically did not commit suicide, she did it in her own way. She hated her father and loved him at the same time. Some famous person once wrote that hate and love are the same emotion. We knew that a lot of her drinking was about her father. Every time our friend called while under the influence, she spoke about him. If you suspect that a friend is in trouble, go out and help him or her. I do not think we would ever make that error again, and neither should you.

This is the cap that Veronica knitted for me.  She told us that she would go to a bar and knit one of these in an evening and when a guy would tell her that he loved it, she would sell it to him on condition that he would pick up her tab.

Road trips of the past (11/11/2025)

I now have taken four extended road trips since we retired two and a half years ago. I made one solo trip and three with my wife and our dogs (2023, 2024 and 2025). As part of these trips, I have seen the Grand Canyon twice (the South Rim during our first visit and the North Rim, a half year before it burned down, during my solo trip). After twice visiting the town, I have learned why folks always say, “Get the hell out of Dodge.” Maybe more about these events later, However, I do not want to make this post another report of my trips. Wherever possible, I have tried to stay away from the Interstate Highway system, interact with people I met on the way (one of my favorite books is Blue Highways, by William Least Heat-Moon). Highways were some cases unavoidable, or they saved us a lot of time.

Now, this is going to be a long post.

The overarching item that I learned from our trips is that every state we passed through had absolutely beautiful areas. I am sure there are also horrible parts in each state, although we have not seen many of them. What I mention as ugly may be because of the place’s sordid history. Moreover, beauty is in the eyes of the beholder. When I am writing about ugly areas, I am thinking of places like Uvalde (TX) that had a mass shooting and we visited the memorial. But I am also thinking of Selma (AL), where we stayed overnight and walked the Edmund Pettis Bridge. This small Alabama town seems to be very depressed and probably ignored town of very important historical significance. Sorry Alabama, the 16th street Baptist Church in Birmingham elicited a similar reaction in me. While nice looking, these spots were saddening because of what took place there.

What were the most memorable things we saw or experienced? This will be a list, and I will start with the most recent. The ferry between Ludington (MI) and Manitowoc (WI); the drive from Van Horn to the McDonald observatory (TX); Big Bend and Guadalupe Mountains National Parks in Texas; Death Valley (CA); the Dignity of Earth and Sky statue in Chamberlain (SD); The Grand Canyon (AZ); Theodor Rosevelt National Park (ND); Lemhi Pass (MT and ID); Sedona (AZ); Selma (AL); Uvalde (TX); Naca Valley Vinyards (Nacogdoches, TX); and Sleeping Bear Sand Dunes National Lakeshore (MI). I am sure I am forgetting one or two, but these are burned into my memory bank.

What were the most disturbing things we encountered? Driving through Georgia and South Caroline (Macon to Savana) we were amazed by the hurricane damage so far from the Gulf of Mexico and now more than three months after it happened. It remined us of our situation after hurricane Isable in 2003. Other items that bothered us included the begging coyote in Big Bend National Park, the stop at Uvalde, the 16th Street Baptist Church in Birmingham and our visits to Selma and Freedom Trail. We both graduated from Utah State University in Logan and were sadly reminded of our lives there when we visited.

Were there things we really hated? Driving a whole day to heavy rain is no fun. It ruined our driving pleasure between coastal Texas and coastal Louisiana. That drive from Victoria (TX) to Baton Rouge (LA) was stressful and horrible, oh well. It would have been nice to see the Louisiana bayous from the road or even stop here and there, but the rain was relentless.

In the western part of Texas, we were plagued by very heavy desert winds between Fort Stockton and El Paso. It is a shame because this is one of my favorite eco-regions. I got my Ph.D. doing graduate work in the Chihuahuan desert. Writing about weather, the 105 degrees we experienced in September in North Sioux City (SD) provided little camping pleasure and we had to spend that night in a motel.

While there must be nice areas in Kansas (for example the Tallgrass Prairie Preserve), the region around Dodge City isn’t it. The area is full of feedlots and slaughterhouses. The area stinks and has more flies than you can shake a stick at. It almost made us vegetarians. We need to feed the nation and therefore need hamburger producing regions like this, but it added very little scenic or cultural value to our trips.

Which folks are staying with you in your memories? Two young waitresses are still on my mind. One in Selma (AL) and the other in Pratt (KS). Both were in their late teens or early twenties. They both seemed resigned to where they were in life, but not happy. They wanted to get out of the town they grew up in, which is understandable when you examined the towns we were in. Both appeared to be at a loss on how to get out and go to the big city and have a life. They tried to make the best of it and earn some extra cash waitressing.

At the North Rim, I was served by a set of waiters that came from Turkey. They were engineering students at the university in Istanbul and spent the summer months working in US National Parks to earn some extra money and learn about the US. I had fun talking with them.

There were these two couples in the tram going up the St. Louis Arch. They lived a couple of blocks apart (less than a mile) in Madison, WI and did not know each other. They even had friends in common but met for the first time on that tram going up the Arch.

We had a great evening talking with a younger couple while sipping wine at the Naca winery near Nacogdoches (TX). She was a teacher, and we talked about education, vacations and the world in general. She would spend the summer in an RV somewhere along the TX coast and her hubby would visit on weekends.

We met a lot of interesting camping owners or hosts. The lady in Miles City (MT) was a riot, and so was the manager of the McDonalds in that town. It must have been the water. We met a couple from Florida that managed a camping area on the Blue Ridge Parkway and the lady with a colostomy bag in the UP of Michigan. A lot of the hosts were retired and got free camping in a beautiful spot or maybe a small stipend. The lady in Lisbon (OH) either made a little money or had free camping while hubby worked at a refinery nearby. They were from Billings (MT) and she homeschooled her two kids, while they followed her husband’s job.

Talking with people was fun, and I noticed that most of them are friendly and nice, especially if you treat them the way you want to be treated. We tried to stay away from the hot button issues like politics and religion. Although, when we told them during our first cross country trip that we were either on our way or returning from our daughter who was going to be or just was ordained as a minister, everyone melted and reacted very friendly.

I wanted to make this essay a lot more detailed, but once I started listing the items I noticed that I could write a book about these experiences. I hope you like this. My message is, smile, be kind to people and start a conversation.

Driving the north shore of Lake Michigan

Ready to descend into Death Valley