Not knowing what you want (9/29/2021)

My last installment I wrote about the crossroads I was at and my trip to Maine. During this trip, I had time to hike, and spend a lot of time in nature. The area we visited in Maine has a lot of natural preserves owned by foundations that are open to the public, which were absolutely wonderful. We also visited the arboretum in Augusta and a State Park. Everything to do with nature and plants really floats my boat. My daughter and I spent our time identifying ferns and looking at other plants.

One of the photographs I took in coastal Maine at the Wolfe's Neck Woods State Park.  One of the few state run places.

Vacations are nice that way; no pressure to watch the news, my daughter and partner cooked, and I had more time to catch up on my reading. Just great therapy for a few days before getting back to the grind of working. I am reminded of the fact why many folks in Europe have six weeks vacations compared to our measly one to three weeks. I strongly believe that vacation actually increases the productivity at work. I have noticed that mine has gone up these two weeks since I have been back. In the past, I explained to my supervisor that when I get stuck in my course design, it is best for me to go for long walks in the woods and mull things over. Honestly, I am not kidding, I really play things out in my head while walking; ideas come to me, away from the computer.

But that is really not what I was planning to write about in this post this time. Or maybe it is all related.

What I did want to write more about is those crossroads, my time in Maine and what I am reading at the moment. During our walks, I tried to explain to my daughter that one of the things I would love to do is become a certified forest bathing therapist. I explained to her what it was and what therapists do. You are supposed to take an expensive course to be able to call yourself a therapist, and I am sure you are considered a charlatan if you sell yourself as a therapist without the official certification, or worse, you can get sued by some forest bathing association.

That somehow gets me to the book I am reading and the quote that struck me and was the prompt for this post: “The problem with not knowing what you want is that you want everything.” I found this in a book written by Scott Stillman entitled “Nature’s Silent Message.” Darn it, you may want to put “to do” behind the words “want” and you have me, or as my mother always accused me to know a little about a lot (too many things) and be “a master of nothing.” I have been told that I am a darn decent teacher and hopefully I try to research the subjects I teach enough that I am credible as well. I study a lot of bonsai videos, but I still consider myself a dilettante. The writing I am doing here for this blog never really took off; probably because I am all over the place and not focused enough. I have 200 to 300 steady readers; I am definitely not an influencer, and neither is my Instagram site. But then, do I want to be that, or just comfortable with a few steady readers?

I realize that the critique of Stillman’s book is that it meanders and is all over the place, and so is my blog, I am afraid. But hopefully is has a common thread or in the end it comes back where I started. I just wonder if I need to focus, just on my bonsai; or on my teaching; on my environmental stance and opinions; on my biological and ecological background; on nature or forest bathing; on (god forbid) my political views; empathy; on sailing ( which I have had no time for the past two years); on my love for wine and microbrews; food and cooking; on reading; or just on (my) life and musing on what is going on around me. If you look at my subject list it is exhaustive. Crazy!

I would love to hear from you all what you think, what you prefer to read. Because I know that if I do not know what to write about (or what you all want me to write about) I will want to write about everything, to paraphrase Mr. Stillman. The story of my multifarious life.

Although I rarely post a selfie in my blog, here it is.  A happy Maine picture, waiting for lunch.

Crossroads (9/14/2021)

I have been somewhat at a crossroads in my life and on the other hand at peace with being there. Looking back at these past few weeks, it has been an interesting time, as it probably is for many of you or eventually will become for many of you. Being part of the so called “sandwich generation.” I am not sure which generation the top half of the bread is a which is the bottom, but although one, the parent part, has been reduced to only one, it has become progressively heavier or thicker. The kid, we only have one daughter, part of that sandwich is progressively getting thinner or lighter. But she has not gone away all together, in particular since she decided that she is going to get married early next fall and she wants to do it here in Virginia while she lives in Maine. So, you get the message, it looks like we will need to do a lot of leg work. We have absolutely no problem with the marriage itself, we just hoped she would elope (not really, that is just me joking).

In the middle of August, we moved my father-in-law from his spacious condo to an apartment in an independent living facility. Since he is 94, hard of hearing, technically blind in one eye, and has difficulty walking, the task fell on us to downsize him. He is still very much with it, thank goodness. But it was a lot of work going through his home and figuring what to take and what would go to our home or what we would have to take to Good Will. I think my back has finally recuperated somewhat. But our home is still one big tripping hazard. We look like hoarders! But a lot of his stuff is much better quality than ours which we accumulated in our student days of the late 1980s. Yes, we bought some new later with our limited budget.

However, it is not over. During the past year and a half of COVID, I did most of the shopping for my father-in-law. We were hoping that this would be a thing of the past with his move. Before he lived 10 minutes away, which has now become a 25-minute drive (each way). But the orders are still pouring in: peanut butter cup ice cream, lactose free milk, Post grape nuts, just to name a few of the essentials. Today I ordered a chair for his shower. His dry-cleaning lady misses him and asks my whether he is eating enough at his new place.

There are good things too. He gave us (me) his car, which is 9 years younger than mine and the same make and model. My car has 313,000 miles on the odometer, his had 31,000. I am paying is forward, I think, and I’ll be driving my car up to Maine this weekend to give it to our daughter and her fiancé, in the hope it holds up and they can use it as a second car. But Hondas should be able to do it for a while, I hope. (Postscript … I am editing this post while sitting in Maine. The car made it, and everything is fine).

Typical Jersey turnpike breakfast for champions like me.  

So yes, watching people getting older, talking about a daughter getting married, and approaching 70 in a few years (I am 68 right now), makes you wonder when it will be my time. These are the crossroads I was talking about. Should I retire or not retire, that is the question. Reading an article in the newspaper this week that Jill Biden who is 70 returned to the classroom to teach was somewhat interesting if not encouraging. Hey, I can do that too! I had a physical just before Labor Day, and while the words physical exam is somewhat disappointing, I came through it with flying colors. It was just a set of blood test which showed I was more-or-less healthy. It does make you feel good, and it was another piece in the puzzle in making that decision on retirement. Maybe I can try to break Jill Biden’s record.

There you have it. These are some of the things messing with my head and with my life. My crossroads right now. Not necessarily bad. This is why I am at peace with what is to come in my life; maybe more than ever.