Why do I write? (11/23/2021)

Why do I write, or more specifically, why do I write my blog? I am not sure where I heard something similar asked the other day, either on the radio from someone on why they make music or maybe it was on XM. I know this is a subject I have visited before <here>, and it is the number one post on my site. I am still not completely sure; so I question why do we do what we are doing for a hobby or work? Do I want the attention, “preach” my (liberal or environmental) believes (now that is different from my previous blog post)? It sometimes seems that I act too much like a fool, make fun of situations, don’t take things seriously. Whenever a serious situation presents itself, I may even have a difficult time being serious or handling it in a serious matter.

Wow, this first paragraph was not where I wanted to go at all with this post today. So back up.

My posts are mostly serious, I hope. But who do I write them for? Myself, or who do I phantom my audience to be, you, who reads my ramblings? I started out my public persona behind a microphone on a radio station: KGLP FM, Gallup Public Radio. I remember it like yesterday. We built the radio station and the first minute it went on the air (I think it was 1992), Frank, who was hired as station manager by the Community College signed in and stuck the microphone in front of my face and said: “say something Jan.” The rest was history, I was hooked. Soon I had three daily radio programs for at least a year (a classical afternoon show, the Frank and Jan “All things reconsidered” show, and an evening jazz show). When Frank left, I temporarily took over as station manager for a half year or so before we left Gallup for a “real” job in Cincinnati. I missed being on the radio ever since.

Talking into a microphone to an anonymous audience was comforting. Friends listened of course, but others did not know me, and I did not know them. I could be whatever and whomever I wanted to be. Sometimes I feel this blog is the natural continuation of my short radio career, which I absolutely enjoyed so much. Very few friends know that I blog, and I really do not advertise my writing. You are one of the lucky ones if you happen to find it, read it, or even follow me. Lucky maybe exaggerated, but you get the drift. I am the lucky one if you read it!

This graph shows you where my readers came from over the years.  I started my blog on June 23, 2013.  Just over 67% of my readers were from the US.  The Indonesian readership was 0.9%.  After that, the numbers were too small to show on the graph.  I always seemed to get a lot of Russian hits whenever I mentioned tRump. 

At the time KGLP was a volunteer radio station and I did not earn a dime being assistant and later as temporary fill-in, full-time manager. It was a labor of love. I raced to the station when the station went down to fix things. In a way that is how I run this blog; I don’t make a damn penny on this blog. Yes, I know, I have complained about it at times and threatened that I will start putting adds on my blog in the hope to make a few pennies with my rambling. And there comes the point, I sometimes question who the heck do I write this thing for?

Was the radio thing and now this blog just one big ego thing, one big form of self-gratification? Am I just doing this for me? Am I just a big, fucking egocentric dick and should I just stop all this nonsense? What am I contributing to society? Am I wasting my valuable time sitting with my laptop on my lap hammering these worthless letters on the keyboard? I really don’t know.

I have written two sermons to share with folks in our UU congregation, hopefully partially educating, being empathetic, spiritual and a team player. The radio was a cheap thrill, but also something I did for the community. Both these things and other volunteer work I do, I do with the excuse that I want to give back to the community that is willing to put up with me. Maybe that is a good excuse: With this blog I am trying to give back to the world community that is willing to put up with me. Ha, ha, ha. I told you I can be funny, cynical at times.

So why am I really doing this? It is a form of diary, I guess. It started out as a daily photo blog and quickly turned into something more. I wanted to educate folks about what was dear to me, sailing, plants, nature, the environment. Then came my work, the teaching, my bonsai, and just simple life’s observations. Finally, this all was followed by politics; and there was the rabbit hole! Especially with the election of tRump. When writing about politics I was trying to challenge the right wing, the proud babies and alike. See if I could get their goat. But no, they are too interested in their own little dumb shortsighted chatrooms than to read the hopefully slightly more broadminded intellectual blog that I write.

So why do I put myself out there? I still don’t know. I don’t want or need the attention, but then like everyone else, I do check the number of hits I get on this blog, and the likes I get on my Instagram and Facebook posts. So maybe it is for self-gratification. However, I hope that some of my readers learn some thing and walk away from my posts having picked up something valuable or entertaining. However, probably not from anything I wrote in this particular post. I just had to do some public soul searching and reminiscing, but hopefully this post stimulated that in you as well.