We recently came home from our trip across the country. As I wrote <here>, we followed part of the Lewis and Clark Trail going west, but had to cut the voyage short, and dropped south to the Los Angeles area after we got to the continental divide <here>. At the divide we came upon (one of) the source(s) of the Missouri river. When they reached the divide, the Lewis and Clark expedition spent some time in this general area, meeting the Shoshone Indians, figuring out the trail further west, and negotiating for horses. Lewis celebrated his birthday during that stay, and he wrote the following “self-assessment” in his diary:
"This day I completed my thirty first year, I reflect that I had as yet done but little, very little indeed, to further the happiness of the human race, or to advance the information of the succeeding generation. I viewed with regret the many hours I have spent in indolence, and now sorely feel the want of that information which those hours would have given me had they been judiciously expended. (Spelling corrected by me)
I dash from me the gloomy thought and resolved in future, to redouble my exertion and at least endeavor to promote those two primary objects of human existence, by them the aid of that portion of talents which nature and fortune have bestowed on me …"
The man who led the expedition to open the west had self-doubt and did not think he had achieved anything to further the happiness of humanity. Lewis discovered and described a large number of new plant and animal species. He described the medicinal use of these plants by the Indian population he came across. He studied the various tribes they encountered. In fact, he greatly advanced the information for succeeding generations.
A few years after their return, Lewis reportedly committed suicide. Some say he was murdered, but the interpretation of events has been questioned. Regardless of Lewis’ untimely death, if his older self or we were able to go back now and tell him what a hero he would be considered, or how revered he now is by humanity, what would have happened? Would his depression have lifted, or would he have quit and gone home, would he have lived to a rip old age? We will never know, will we? But I had that thought on top of the divide: if he only knew.
Wow, this is a post with a lot of question marks, I feel like I haven’t found that key in a lot of my posts. But this question got me thinking. What would I like to tell my 55-year-old self that I know now but did not know then? Or conversely what would I like to know about me in the future 15 years from now? (when I told my wife what I was pondering her immediate answer was: “eat more vegetables.”)
My posts go back only 10 years, so I have no reference here. This blog started out as a photo diary anyway, and I have never kept a diary to find out where my head was at the time. I was most likely unemployed sometime in 2008. They had closed the office where I was working; thank goodness I had a few consulting jobs and the conditions of my lay-off were good. In addition, I was drawing social security during the weeks I had no consulting income. It was tight, but we weren’t hurting.
It was around this time fifteen years ago that I was getting excited about a job with the state that I applied for and was about to be interviewed for. We all know now that this was the job that I was going to get for the next 14 years until my retirement. Is there anything that I would have told myself to dissuade me from taking the job? Hell no, there have been very few moments that I hated the job or regretted taking it. I love to teach and that’s what the job turned in to. Eat more vegetables? I lost around 20 lbs. since then and I have been able to keep them off. Yes, I would love to lose an additional 20. The only thing I can come up with is: “follow your bliss.”
What would I want to learn from my 85-year-old self? I am not sure, I currently love life and I just hope that I can hold on to it for another 20 years or so, of course in good health. On a positive note, my financial advisor estimated the other day that I will live to the ripe old age of 92! Guess, I need to eat more vegetables and salads. This post isn’t a “rest of my life resolutions.” As I mentioned in that post, I hate resolutions. But this was something I was pondering after that YouTube video where the maker asked exactly that question: “what advice would I give my 10-year younger self about van life?”
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| Lemhi pass, the continental divide and the border between Montana and Idaho. |
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| The supposed source of the Missouri River in Lemhi pass |
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| The valley where Lewis camped and celebrated his birthday |
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