Cruel to be Kind (2/4/2022)

Nick Lowe wrote the song with the same title of this post some time ago (1979) and somehow this week I was reminded of at least the title. Then came a poll from George Washington University that I saw on TV where one of the statistics was that Republicans’ (or conservatives) dearest value was freedom while for Democrats (or liberals) it was ethics (and civility). This hits home for me very hard after what transpired this past week, but let me explain.

First, let’s look at Lowe’s lyrics. It starts out with:

“Oh I can't take another heartache
Though you say you're my friend, I'm at my wit's end
You say your love is bonafide, but that don't coincide
With the things that you do
And when I ask you to be nice, you say

You've gotta be cruel to be kind, in the right measure
Cruel to be kind, it's a very good sign
Cruel to be kind, means that I love you, baby”

These first few words of this love song are enough but the words “cruel to be kind“ are repeated over and over. What happened this week? Monday morning when walking my dog Jasper in the woods behind our home, I discovered that someone with 4-wheelers or ATVs had gone into the woods, driven the trails and torn through the Grafton pond that I have been following for the past 20 years, and probably shown you photographs of here in my blog. These ponds are habitat to the endangered Mabee’s salamander, barking tree frog, Harper’s fimbristylis and pond spice. Angrier and angrier looking at all the destruction I walked home. I called the game inspector for the park. She came to inspect the area and she later told me that the vandals destroyed four ponds. By the way, the area is posted; it tells visitors that no motorized vehicles are allowed and that we all need to stay on the trails.

At least the tracks were still visible in the snow that had fallen on Friday night.  You can see how high the water sometime is in the pond by the yellow pollen line near Jasper's tail in the bottom picture.

The inspector tell me that the culprits also went onto Federal (National Park Land) and this has become a Federal, State and local issue. She asked me who I thought it was that did this. Kids three houses down from us have been terrorizing the neighborhood with their ATVs and dirt bikes for the past weeks, I tell her. We were walking the woods on Sunday morning at 11, the woods were pristine, and just before we got home we heard the ATVs start up and the kids were leaving home on them. Around 4 pm when we took the dogs around the block the kids were pressure washing the ATVs in their driveway, the ATVs were covered with mud. I also told the inspector that this could all be circumstantial. She told me that law enforcement would definitely be on their way to check things out and talk to them and their parents.

I put a note with photographs on our development’s Facebook website about what had occured. I called the culprits vandals and called it vandalism. I mentioned that law enforcement was looking into the matter. I wanted to make sure that folks understood that the national park and the city park could easily deny us access to the area. I purposely never mentioned kids or what I told the inspector. I intended my note to be cruel to be kind and let the guilty or at least their parent soul search about what had transpired. I was also afraid that this incident would ruin it for us all and that we would be denied access to the woods. It brought out a few comments that wondered if it were the kids that were terrorizing the neighborhood with their ATVs, but mostly remarks about how terrible it was. But then it started, civility went out the window. Parents started to defend kids:

• They needed to be able to go outdoors
• We have all these natural areas behind our development but we can’t enjoy them (by the way, I enjoy it every day)
• They had no place to play with their ATVs around here
• Who are we to tell them what they can do and cannot do
• This is public land and should be open for all to us they see fit

Some folks became amazingly defensive of their kids, while in my post I deliberate did not accuse anyone and did not even hint at the fact that these kids were suspects. They became uncivil, abusive and in fact fighting for their freedom. This became particularly apparent when I asked the simple question: “so teach them (kids) they can get away with breaking the law and destroying the environment?” Here I saw exactly what I learned just now the difference between Republicans (65% of the electorate in our development) and Democrats (the other 35%), abusive and very vocal about freedom versus ethical, environmental and empathetic, respectively. You also saw whose kids did it; that the parent’s know it, they came out in a hurry and that they were trying to shelter them from the authorities.

At this point, I needed to stop all comments to my post and the administrator of our Facebook page had to remind folks of the rules of civility. Here I was trying to be protective of the environment and of people’s enjoyment of it; however, my post ended up to be too “cruel to be kind” (to some). That is why that song popped up in my head. It seems that we are increasingly loosing civility in our society and more polarized; another example of schismogenesis at work!