You should never be alone (4/1/2019)

I was listening to one of the psychiatry shows on one of my favorite XM satellite radio stations (Doctor Radio) where one of the geriatric psychiatrists said something that sounded very profound to me: “There is a difference between loneliness and solitude.” I think that this is one of those phrases many introverts understand.

This got me thinking. Loneliness is a negative emotion. A person is or feels lonely when something or someone is missing; when no other person is with them. As common believe tells us we need human contact. It is one of the things that might prevent or at least slow down mental decline in old age; things like Alzheimer and dementia. This is also, why joining groups like religious communities and other clubs is so important, especially at advanced age (over 65 … help that’s me!).

Solitude, on the other hand, is defined as the state of being alone. It is the state of being alone without being lonely. Solitude, the definition goes on, can be especially peaceful and pleasant, an interesting distinction, indeed!

This is why that sentence stayed with me the whole day. We introverts often enjoy solitude and I have often wondered if my need to be alone is harmful to my mental health. Conversely, it seems now that my need for solitude means that I may not lose it when I get old. Introverts like me still surround themselves with their family, friends and often clubs and religious communities, but we need to retreat in solitude so now and then (more often than extroverts do) to recharge. We can probably survive by spending two thirds of our free time in solitude.

I am not sure if solace is related to solitude or not, but one would think so. The official definition for solace is “help and comfort when you are feeling sad or worried.” I find my solace from blogging, being with my bonsais, from walking in the woods, being out in nature, sailing or even just driving the backroads, all activities I do in solitude. While I enjoy retreating in the woods, I usually do not seek solace there. I do it because I am an introvert, a naturalist, a lover of nature and because of my nature deficit disorder. However, at times, I definitely have retreated into the solitude of the woods when I was sad and worried, in search of solace.

As I have described before, being out there in nature, in the woods, brings a certain inner peace to me. It clears my mind it allows me to concentrate on what is around me and not to obsess about what is in me, what is eating me. It all comes so very close to meditation, being in the moment, observing all that is going on around me; breathing in those phytoncides, lowering my blood pressure. 

Naturally, being a naturalist, it is just nice to be out there in those woods. I take any moment possible to get out there, take the dog for a walk and just be out in nature. I do not have to see or discover anything new; the regular, the common, is good enough. But that alone time, that solace is so sorely needed. 

Our walk through Pointsett State Park showed a beautiful ecosystem of oaks, loblolly and longleaf pines.  Oaks were covered by by Spanish moss.

Even on our vacation to Charleston, SC a few weeks ago, we had to make a side trips and visit state parks, the beach and spend a few hours hiking before we hit the hustle and craziness of this great town. We spent time in the Cape Fear Botanical Garden, in the Pointsett State Park and later on on Folly Beach and in the woods. Just being able to get out there and enjoy the natural world is so important. But so is being in and around Charleston. We got more enjoyment out of the stately trees (the life oaks) and peering into the gardens and courtyards than the oh so famous market. But even in the market which is full of people you can be utterly alone and lonely. 

The gardens of Charleston, SC.: live oaks, palmetto and other plants.