Is age really just a number? (12/13/2018)

I have been feeling my mortality lately. Not that I am sick or have been diagnosed with anything, but just because I am getting older. But then aren’t we all getting older? Every day we are getting a day older; a day closer to death. The newspaper obituaries are replete with folks younger than me. I brush them aside as accidents, suicides and unhealthy people. Having turned the magical six five or better 65 earlier this year, it feels different. We really downplayed the event, no big parties; my wife or family did not even throw me a surprise birthday party. The day passed like any other day; I even went to work on my birthday. However, eventually, the Friday evening after my birthday, my father-in-law treated me to a fancy dinner to our favorite restaurant where we had a great dinner for three. The day after my birthday I was 65 and 1 day; I did not even have a hangover. One of the problems always is that my birthday falls on or around Father’s Day weekend. It is more a family weekend, not conducive to big parties, I guess.

Oh well, enough belly aching. Why now? Coming out of a day-long workshop I gave this week I had a car crash. Yes, it was my fault; I pulled away from a stop sign (after a full stop), obviously did not see the car coming from the left (there was a snow bank that was obscuring my view and the lady that hit me was obviously speeding); however, I do not think that ten years ago when I started this gig I was this exhausted after a full day of teaching. I solo teach, and standing on my legs for six hours, being on all the time, thinking, talking and answering questions is a lot of work. It takes a lot out of me. I have noticed that I am more tired the older I get and that my recovery time is getting longer. I am often still tired the day after teaching a full day or often two days in a row. Also knowing that my parents did not make it much past their mid 70-s, makes you wonder if your days are numbered and what the hell you are doing still working and putting yourself out there on the road, after a full day of teaching, increasingly in danger of getting hurt in an accident.

A google search tells me the following about the age at which we humans peak at certain things:

• The ability to learn a second language: 7 to 8 
• Sexually: Men 17, Women 35 
• Brain processing: 18 
• Remembering names: 22 
• Life satisfaction: 23 and again at 69 
• Strength: 25 
• Metabolism and heart rate: Early adulthood 
• Fastest marathon: 28 
• Bone and bone structure: 30 to 35 
• Remembering faces: 32 
• Focus: 43 
• Arithmetic skills: 50 
• Understanding people’s emotions: 51 
• Vocabulary skills: 71 
• Happiness with your body: 74 
• Psychological wellbeing: 82 

Looking at the list, my ability to focus has been going down since I was 43; and let’s not talk about my sex life (peaked at 17? I wish I realized that back then and capitalized on it). Moreover, based on my genetics, I may never reach nirvana or psychological wellbeing. Although, maybe finally I’ll be happy with my body before I die. So be it! But age is only a number, and as you see, these are only numbers. 

This is what makes me happy: Forest bathing.  Being out in the woods, exploring, visiting some of my favorite trees.  This is where I find solace with life, with my age and the world.

My mortality was brought even more to the foreground by the accident. It all happened in a flash, I never saw the car coming, I did not even saw it when it hit me, maybe just a flash. Yes, she obviously drove very fast. But still, I get the blame and I will keep wondering if my age contributed to it; am I loosing my ability to focus? Maybe. The statistics tell me I am, but then I learned you can also lie with statistics (what was that about something peaking at 17?). 

I often wish there was a way to slow down the aging process. There are so many things I want to experience, explore and to see or do in this world. Many have tried to slow aging down, no one has succeeded. This blog post has no solutions, I am sorry. Accept aging gracefully? I’ve always thought: “Hell no!” Some folks say calorie deprivation will allow you to live to the biological predestined age of humans which is around 120. They even claim that living this way of eating very few calories and starving yourself can be fun and enjoyable. I am not sure what planet they come from, but torture is not my way of having fun. Others say slightly overweight is good. Now I like that!

On the other hand, the problem is that my skeleton is slowly starting to refuse to cooperate; my knees hurt, my back is stiff, I get tired quicker and my recovery time is longer. They call it the regular wear and tear on the body. I feel like I am becoming that middle-aged lump of coal on the couch. This is also torture and I know that my weight and lack of exercise will only make this worse in the long run. Folks around me have (early) Alzheimer or other forms of dementia. They are older than me, but I realize I have less of a focus, sometimes more difficulty remembering names. That makes me wonder and it bothers me too. 

I use this picture in my classes as an example that old guys can be strong, or old ideas can still be valid.

Sorry for bitching about my age young readers of mine. Hopefully you too will hit it one of these days. It will creep up and all the sudden it will hit you right smack in the face, as with me. You are getting old! Then you will try the excuse “age is just a number” while your colleagues at work announce: “you are older than my father” (or my mother/parents)!